When I was a child, my father would come home after drinking all afternoon at a nearby bar. The inharmony and violence that resulted in my home life greatly impacted my self-esteem, and I felt personally guilty for everything that went wrong. As I became an adult, I learned to suppress an intense sense of inadequacy, which continued to grow.
Wonderful things unfolded in my life: I went to college, got married, had two wonderful boys, had a rewarding teaching career, and became a member of a branch Church of Christ, Scientist. But inside I was still struggling with an extreme sense of inadequacy and guilt that would emerge whenever a controversial situation arose.
When such a challenge would come up, I prayed for the strength to handle it and often asked a Christian Science practitioner to pray for me, as well. I was able to gain a guarded sense of survival, but inside I felt controlled by an unrest that deprived me of a sense of self-worth. I sought complete freedom from the deep insecurity I had struggled with for years.
