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About two years ago, I noticed irregularities in my heartbeat, followed by symptoms of fatigue and weakness. My oldest son, who is not a Christian Scientist, went searching for medical information online. Although he has some appreciation of Christian Science, he became very concerned and felt that this needed immediate medical attention.
At that point, fear began to build up. I started to think that this could be very serious, and dangerous if left untreated. I immediately called a Christian Science practitioner and asked for Christian Science treatment. After talking to her, I felt securer that I could trust God without reservation—now more than ever. Through my own study and her clear understanding of Christian Science, I was able to gain confidence and overcome fear.
The condition improved, although the symptoms persisted for a while, and new symptoms developed, disappeared, and then reappeared a few weeks later. Progress, though, was steady and consistent, and it taught me a great lesson about the healing presence of divine Love.
I experienced some limitations in my normal physical activity; I often needed to slow down and pause to reflect on the sustaining qualities of the infinite, the unceasing activity of God as divine Life, Principle, expressing and expanding itself from a boundless basis.
Accepting myself as this expression, I knew that I could never be depleted of energy and vitality. I found the following passage from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy especially helpful: “Step by step will those who trust Him find that ‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble’ ” (p. 444).
During the months that followed, I became aware of a lot of information about heart-related disorders in advertisements and people’s conversations. That Thanksgiving, I was with some friends who are not Christian Scientists, and, as is often the case, the talk turned toward health issues and, specifically, heart anomalies. It occurred to me that my “condition” was no different from the one being described during that conversation, and I made a conscious effort not to let these comments impress my thinking and instead listened to the quiet voice of Truth, reversing the mortal picture that was being presented.
During that period, there were several occasions when I needed to handle doubts and discouragement about the efficacy of Christian Science, and what looked like reality and persistence of the symptoms. At one point, the fear of being negligent for not taking care of it medically began to surface aggressively. I wanted to trust God, but the thought of going to a doctor became very strong, and the fear of not going to one kept surfacing.
I decided to look for answers in the Bible and the writings of Mary Baker Eddy. The first answers came from two passages in James: “A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways” (1:8) and “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him” (1:12). And from Science and Health: “You will never fear again except to offend God, and you will never believe that heart or any portion of the body can destroy you” (p. 425).
I felt divine Love imparting to me through these passages the spiritual sense of security and peace I needed. Although I was not yet completely free from the physical symptoms, my confidence in God’s care continued to replace the fear.
Then came the month of February, designated as “heart care” month. At this time, more and very descriptive information about heart problems poured out from the media. By then though, the healing effect of Truth was actively taking over in consciousness, because I felt immune to all this information.
A short time after that, all the symptoms disappeared. Upon my going to the gym (where I had been doing minimal exercise), all energy had returned, and now I was able to run and swim normally. This was over two years ago, and I have had no return of the symptoms of this condition.
In Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, Mrs. Eddy is asked the question, “Do you believe in change of heart?” She begins her answer with “… there must be a change from human affections, desires, and aims, to the divine standard …” (p. 50). What I learned from my experience was the importance of trusting divine Love absolutely with a sincere and honest heart, “… no reservation is made for any lesser loyalty” (Science and Health, p. 183).
I just needed to know that God, as infinite Love, was caring for me, sustaining me, and embracing me at every moment.
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