Dear Journal:—I have a confession to make! I have been a long time in this way, but am not "every whit whole."
How true it is that "each heart knoweth its own bitterness." Another cannot possibly understand the errors we have to fight against, and we seldom realize what growth we have made out of mortal sense, until we cast a backward glance at the wrecks of "isms" and "ologies," strewn along the road.
An average lifetime had been spent in imbibing the severest creeds. "Total depravity" and "eternal punishment" being part of the daily regimen for the mind, with the accompanying drastic remedies for the body. For, while we were taught that God sent sickness and death to draw our hearts to Himself, we nevertheless were diligent in applying the most powerful remedies to counteract His wise design.
Then came a milder line of thought, after many struggles and deaths to the old theories, when we emerged into the new church teaching with its milder form of treating the body, as Swedenborgianism and Homœopathy were inseparable, we were told. But the time came when that teaching seemed "dry-bones of doctrine," and we decided medicine did one no good. Then we were ready for Christian Science, which will be good to all eternity. After vainly trying to fit it to my late religious beliefs. I was compelled to discard them, and have for the past eight years trusted to the Truth alone for physical as well as for spiritual help, no medicine being used in all that time, in our family of seven members. So earnestly was the work entered upon that not only were all material remedies destroyed, but books on medicine, in the knowledge of which much pride had been taken, were disposed of.
Is it any wonder that even after so long a time as I have been striving to follow the Truth as set forth in Mrs. Eddy's grand work. Science and Health, that some of those ghosts of false doctrine should "walk," and endeavor to disturb the mind that is striving to dispossess every skeleton of its hiding place?
This confession may help to allay some of them, for the thought has often presented itself that I should give some recognition for what Christian Science has done for me and mine to our Journal, as an encouragement to those who, like myself, are not yet able to testify to "wholeness," and who are still "pressing on," hoping for the reward of faithful living.
For ten years prior to accepting Christian Science I had conducted our Sunday School in our home-circle, feeling that the mother especially should be responsible for the spiritual training of her children. So it seemed right that I should continue to lead, as we emerged, by degrees, out of our New church teaching into the higher idea of Christian Science. But there came a time when the younger members of the family desired more of a church service, and we engaged our former teacher to lead, and I became a pupil instead. After the first service I felt sad to think my hands were empty, but immediately there came a call from one of the maids for treatment for dyspepsia of long standing, and the next day she "was as well as ever." Much of my work has been among the lowly, they respond so quickly and are so thankful for the benefit of Truth, it is a pleasure to help them. I am endeavoring to work out from the point I am, considering that the centre of the world to me, instead of, as in former years, reaching out to the earth's circumference, helping foreign missions, when the "fields are already white to harvest," in my own home and my own heart, and where I may "reap what I have sown." I would also state that my hearing has been defective for nearly twenty years, and I had hoped to overcome that defect by the understanding of the Truth, as I am often told others are watching to see how I overcome that disability. They do not seem to see the spiritual uplift Christian Science has given me, so that I am not discouraged, although recognizing that a defective human being is far from manifesting the "image of God."
