FOR fifteen years I have not. taken any medicine, but have depended upon divine power for my healing. For the same length of time God has been trusted with my happiness, and this is the only period of my life in which I have been well and contented.
From early childhood I was considered extremely delicate and nervous. At the age of eighteen I began teaching, but was soon obliged to resign a very desirable position on account of failing health. This disappointment added to my burden of unhappiness, and I grew more nervous and fearful. Headaches, stomach and spinal troubles, partial blindness, and other disabilities followed this mental state.
While in this distressing condition, one who was very dear to me passed out of my life, and I cried out to God to pass me over the space of ten years in a night. I then believed that time alone could heal sorrow and that death was the only conqueror of suffering. Grief, fear, and pain had made me a confirmed invalid and a miserable skeptic. That there was a God, a creator of man and the universe, I never doubted;but the proof that there was a heavenly Father who answered the prayers of His children, was lacking in my case, for I had prayed unavailingly for years, until I was convinced of the folly of praying to deaf ears or to a God who saw fit not to answer. When able to go, I attended a church with my family, but the bread and wine of the sacrament failed to heal my heart hunger, and the sermons and prayers did not ease my physical sufferings, so I turned away and was classed by sorrowing friends with unbelievers and infidels.
Another loss came to me, again followed by a long illness in which there was a constant crying out for God. My existence was so miserable that I prayed to die. Nothing but the awfulness of facing the unknown future and a deep conviction that I would be shutting myself forever from heaven, kept me from some desperate step. I had reached the place where I was afraid to live and afraid to die. In this hopeless, terrified condition Christian Science found me, healed me, and saved me,—healed me of the sense of physical pain and saved me from the terrible fear of future punishment. My healing began the same hour in which I heard that God did not punish but healed and saved mankind. My heart went up with a bound when I learned that we can work out our own salvation by knowing God aright; that we can never be separated from God, good, except by a false belief.
Almost all of that day was spent in a hotel with the practitioner who was helping me. I saw her as often as possible until toward evening, when I suddenly declared that all pain had disappeared. The friend who had taken me in the carriage, asked if I could walk home, as the carriage had been dismissed in the morning. Not having walked any for years, I was utterly dismayed at the prospect of walking a mile; but the friend, knowing more of Truth than I did, encouraged me to try. Not only was the walk a revelation of freedom and harmony to me, but within a week I undertook a long journey without any ill effects. More healing took place within twenty-four hours through the beneficent influence of Christian Science than had been realized in twelve or more years under medical treatment. Now I am convinced that most of the tortures I passed through in early life came from my interpretation of the religious teachings, which always filled me with dread, and I am equally convinced that my healing came from hearing the wonderful truths about God and man gained from "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures" by Mrs. Eddy.
It would not be possible to tell in these pages the wonderful transformation which Christian Science has effected in my life, but I would like to tell of two demonstrations. Although many forms of error had disappeared, I was still troubled with indigestion and looked pale and thin, this appearance being in seeming contradiction of my assertion that I had been healed. In the beginning I was ready to shout my healing from the housetops, thinking that every one would rejoice with me; but ridicule and rebuffs made me shrink from public notice, and I began to frame all kinds of excuses in order to find opportunity to study the Lesson-Sermon and attend the church services unnoticed. Finally a test came. It became necessary for me to give up the privilege of attending the beloved services or to take an open stand for Truth. I chose the latter, and made ray declaration of independence in no half-hearted way. With this, another shackle fell off, and I was perfectly free from the fear and from its physical effects. My appearance naturally improved.
One day I had a remarkable escape from bodily injury, but the fright brought back a sense of pain and weakness which I fought for three days, when suddenly a blood-vessel broke in my head. My face became so disfigured that my sister, the only person who saw me that day, said I was beyond recognition. She begged me to allow her to call her husband, who is a physician, but I said that I had asked for Christian Science help and that I would soon be well. Although in great pain, I continued to make statements of truth, knowing I could not be separated from God's healing presence for one moment, and in a short time great peace came over me, the pain passed away, and all other manifestations of the error left in a few hours. When the shock first came, I thought from the sensation that the left eye was destroyed, on account of the pain and blindness, but after a few days my sight was better than it had been for years. I was confined to my bed just one day, and to the house two days. This speedy healing was a fresh marvel, although I needed no new proof that God's power is the same today as it was in the days when Jesus healed the sick.
It has always seemed to me an incident of great moment that the day I united with the Christian Science church was just ten years from the day when I prayed to God to pass me over ten years in a night. It was proof to me that at last I had found the true God. Such health, peace, contentment, and gratitude filled my consciousness as I never expected to experience in this world. It shows me that there is no past, no future, no pain, no separation in Truth, in the understanding of divine Principle, in which there can be no separation between God and His creation. I seemed to become fully conscious for the first time that God is present good.
As I better understand the sacrifice, patience, and love of our Leader, my love and reverence for her deepens. To her I owe a world of gratitude, which cannot be expressed in words. Only through a joyous, useful life can a measure of it be manifested. My heart goes out in gratitude to every one who gave me a helping hand. To God I give all the glory, for at last peace and safety are mine, because I know He is ceaseless, unchangeable Love, the infinite Principle of all good, "the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning."— Massillon, Ohio.
