It is with great joy that I share the following healing. The seeds of truth that ultimately brought about this wonderful change were sown during my final year as a pupil in the Christian Science Sunday School. At that time I was extremely shy and felt very uncomfortable around most people. One Sunday I had the opportunity to speak about this problem with my Sunday School teacher. We turned to Christ Jesus' Sermon on the Mount in Matthew and worked specifically with verses 14-16 in Chapter 5: "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." I remember that at the time I sensed the importance of the words and felt great comfort in them. It was not until much later, however, that I realized an understanding of these spiritual truths would heal me permanently of shyness.
Over the next few years, as I continued my study of Christian Science, I became increasingly grateful for it because it shows us how to conquer the lies of sin, sickness, and death. I found myself wanting to share the truth with others and to express more of the spiritual qualities. Doing this, I realized, was letting my light shine. I was on the journey from a matter-based sense of self to the full recognition of my spiritual identity as a reflection of the one God. Those words in the Sermon on the Mount, I knew, described my only true occupation, and I began to see that this occupation brings great joy and satisfaction.
I also perceived that shyness was a mode of error, or mortal mind, which would hide one's light (one's true spiritual nature) under a bushel. So, instead of attempting to make mortal selfhood more comfortable, I learned to turn consistently to God. Being receptive to His guidance allowed me to help others, thereby giving "light unto all that are in the house." It was so very freeing to think less and less of myself.
A beautiful, far-reaching effect of this understanding was evidenced in an ability to interact easily with others while I was a graduate student. Still, I did have difficulty speaking before large groups of my peers. At one point I had to present a series of fifty-minute lecture/seminars followed by question-and-answer periods. I was so nervous I literally memorized each lecture (and was in danger of having to begin again should anything disrupt the flow of my presentation). My major professor patiently helped me rehearse the lectures and assured me it would get easier with practice. In the meantime I was instructed to hold a paper clip in my fingers while I spoke to alleviate nervousness!
One aspect of this problem that greatly disturbed me was that at the end of each lecture I could not remember a word I had said. It was as if I had lost consciousness for the duration of the speech. Needless to say, the situation did not improve by relying on lecture techniques and practice sessions. Then I began to glimpse scientific truths that helped me see the nervousness and unconsciousness as false claims—lies about God's man. I reaffirmed that my sole occupation was to glorify God and spent a great deal of time learning more of my spiritual identity and discovering what true consciousness is. I knew I was not trying to impress an audience with a vast amount of human knowledge but was endeavoring to more fully express the intelligence that is God.
In her answer to the question "What is man?" Mrs. Eddy, the author of Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures and Founder of Christian Science, writes (p. 475): "He is ... the conscious identity of being as found in Science, in which man is the reflection of God, or Mind, and therefore is eternal; that which has no separate mind from God; that which has not a single quality underived from Deity; that which possesses no life, intelligence, nor creative power of his own, but reflects spiritually all that belongs to his Maker." These ideas were most helpful to me. Also in Science and Health Mrs. Eddy tells us (p. 250): "Spirit is the Ego which never dreams, but understands all things; which never errs, and is ever conscious; which never believes, but knows; which is never born and never dies. Spiritual man is the likeness of this Ego." When I realized that it was impossible for Spirit to lose consciousness, I saw that it was impossible for me, as Spirit's likeness, to lose consciousness.
I became aware that the healing was complete when I gave a seminar on which the entire grade for a course was based. I was able to present the talk unmemorized, using only a single outline card. The delivery was smooth and given with complete dominion. This experience was very rewarding, and several people even remarked that teaching seemed so easy and natural for me! Several weeks later I was offered a teaching fellowship that gave me the opportunity to teach a class for several hours one day a week.
I am grateful for Christ Jesus, our Way-shower, and for his follower Mrs. Eddy, whose persistent love for mankind enabled her to be a real transparency for Truth. For their unceasing help along the way, I am also grateful for the dedicated Sunday School teachers I had. These words of Hymn No. 64 from the Christian Science Hymnal best describe my progress: "From sense to Soul my pathway lies before me,/From mist and shadow into Truth's clear day."
Bellevue, Washington
