First as a daughter, and then as a wife, I seemed to be playing roles. I was mimicking what others expected of me. I didn't seem to be thinking my own, individual thoughts. An identity crisis appeared to be imminent. Along with this, there seemed to be a crisis in my marriage. Outside interests were taking my husband further and further from the home center.
I tried everything I thought was required and desired of me, but to no avail. Then I tried jealousy, recrimination, complaint, suffering. Further alienation ensued. Mrs. Eddy writes so perceptively, "Every agony of mortal error helps error to destroy error, and so aids the apprehension of immortal Truth" (Science and Health, p. 548). I finally realized I needed treatment from a Christian Science practitioner.
In the Manual of The Mother Church, Mrs. Eddy gives inspired direction when she writes, "Neither animosity nor mere personal attachment should impel the motives or acts of the members of The Mother Church" (Art. VIII, Sect. I). These words began to take on important meaning for me as I listened to them read once a month in church. The steadfast practitioner assured me unstintingly that there was no lack of love in my marriage. She reminded me that I was loving, loved, and lovable because I was the direct expression of God, divine Love.
I began to see that my happiness and contentment did not depend on a particular person. And I was better able to stick to the truth of my being no matter what seemed to be happening. I realize now that that was the beginning of freedom for both my husband and me. This freedom helped us place our home in the center of our care for each other.
One of the interesting fringe benefits of this experience was that I took up a second career, painting, and I had three one-woman shows that were considered successful. With each brush stroke, I was making choices of my own, feeling freer and freer to think my own thoughts.
Claiming our spiritual identity is a study we are all engaged in. I had another opportunity to demonstrate this about eight years ago. While serving as Second Reader, I experienced an outstanding proof of God's protection and care. I live about forty minutes drive from the church. One Sunday morning I got in my car and went down the driveway onto the paved road. Four-and-a-half hours later, I realized I had no memory of having traveled to church or of reading the service. Various members of the congregation later told me that although I had needed the help of the First Reader in finding my place several times, I had been able to complete the reading.
After the service, the First Reader and his wife took me home. She contacted my Christian Science teacher to give me treatment. As we waited for someone to come home, I went upstairs with my book bag to my study table. It then began to dawn on me where I was and what seemed to have happened. My daughter came home at about that time and joined me upstairs, having thanked the dear people who drove me home.
My happiness and
contentment did
not depend on a
particular person.
"Imagine my not being able to remember that I went to church and read the Bible Lesson out loud on the platform!" I said to her. I then asked her to read that Lesson with me. By the time we had finished, the cloud of mental confusion had totally lifted. I was able to see God's cherishing love, His tender care and protection of me. He is indeed "my refuge and my fortress: my God" (Ps. 91:2). In Him I can, and do, trust.
I have been increasingly thankful to Christian Science for this remarkable healing. I prayed with a local practitioner for about two weeks after the healing, claiming my real identity to be entirely spiritual. I affirmed that I was not a mortal, subject to losing my way or my mind. The two years that I spent discovering the real me which resulted in the first healing I told about became very helpful in guiding me to again recognize my only true selfhood. I was and am an idea, an emanation of God, and can express only perfect balance and perfect Mind as His reflection. That is the gift that Mrs. Eddy makes plain to us. There is only one Mind, and so that's our Mind—mine and everyone's. We cannot inherit any other because there is no other.
I'm so grateful for that wonderful book, the Bible, and for Mrs. Eddy's illuminating key to the Scriptures, Science and Health. I truly appreciate her provision of practitioners and teachers to help us Spiritward, and am thankful for The Mother Church and The Christian Science Publishing Society, which provide the Christian Science Sentinel, The Christian Science Journal, and the Herald of Christian Science weekly and monthly. I thank God for His loving, healing ever-presence.
Truro, Massachusetts
