Many years ago I experienced an internal disorder that was so severe I thought it was likely that I would pass on. I was very concerned about our two sons, who were in elementary and middle schools at the time. I was worried that once I was gone, they would forget that I loved them, and so I roused myself to make ceramic Christmas trees for both of them, thinking they could get them out at Christmas each year and think of me. Though I was motivated by divine love, I didn’t realize at the time that by doing that, I was making the ailment seem even more “real” to myself.
At the same time, I contacted a Christian Science practitioner to support me through prayer. I was afraid, and whenever those fearful thoughts assailed me, I found great comfort in this: “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord” (Psalms 118: 17). I figured I could surely declare the works of the Lord as a “lifetime” requirement. While the practitioner was praying, she also helped me understand more of my identity as God’s beloved child. This included the fact that I was Soul’s direct reflection.
One evening after the family was asleep, I was lying on the living room couch wrapped in a favorite old soft blanket. The lights were out. We lived in Florida on a channel leading out to the ocean, and there were two white lighted buoys along the channel, which could be seen from the living room. I thought about how wonderful those buoys were—they gave direction to mariners, but to me the lights were also symbols of integrity, stability, understanding of the Divine, and hope. As I was feeling so grateful for this insight, I noticed a third light out in the channel—a green light. I couldn’t understand this, since I hadn’t seen the Coast Guard or any other agency out there installing a buoy in recent weeks. I got up off the couch and went toward the sliding glass window to look out over the water, trying to figure out the mystery of this buoy. But when I got to the window, the green light disappeared. Now that was weird, because I knew I had seen it!
