Christian Science came to me when all hope had fled. Some one has said that "at some time in each human life there comes a day of crucifixion," and that time surely had come to me. I was without a ray of light mentally and spiritually, as well as a physical and mental wreck, having no God and from a physical standpoint a victim of inherited constitutional trouble. I had had almost "every ill that flesh is heir to," and there did not seem to be a sound organ in my body. I was a burden to myself and the doctors gave me no hope that I would ever be any better, but told me to be thankful if I did not have to contend with even worse conditions physically. I was a nervous wreck and consumed with fear of what I ate; in fact, I was afraid of every ill which a diseased mentality could conjure up. One thing I was not afraid of, but longed for, and that was to die and be out of my misery; but the doctors told me that one with my chronic troubles often lived to be very old, so unless I took my own life, as I often felt tempted to do (but out of consideration for my mother refrained from doing), there seemed nothing for me to do but to endure a life of misery as best I could.
I had naturally a happy disposition, and I tried to keep up an outward show of cheerfulness, but the misery of my condition often seemed a burden too heavy to bear. I had been brought up in an orthodox church, but when afflictions came and I needed sustaining, I felt that all the church had to offer me was a stone, and I was in sore need of bread. I then began to question the teachings of theology, and became a doubter. I craved something at that time, though I knew not what, but I know it was what all mankind is seeking, whether knowingly or ignorantly, namely, the truth of the problem of life and being.
I had Christian Science treatment six years before I accepted Science. I consented to have treatment to please some dear friends, but I did not seem to be ready at that time, as I had not reached the limit of my extremity. As the physical healing was all I wanted at that time, and as my case was not reached at once (although years of treatment by the doctors had failed to cure me), I thought there was nothing in Christian Science and again resorted to materia medica; but the seed of Truth was deeply planted, and never was I able to get completely away from Christian Science again. Wherever I turned it confronted me. I seemed to be constantly meeting people who spoke of Science to me, and I read eagerly everything I could find which had been written against it. I also waded through thousands of pages in my search for Truth in books on evolution, moral philosophy, physical science, etc., all in a vain search for what I seemed to feel I must find somewhere, not realizing in my blindness and hardness of heart that what I sought was "closer to me than breathing, and nearer than hands and feet."
