My first acquaintance with the subject of Christian Science was about three years ago, while in college, preparing for the ministry. The usual break-down from over study came and drove me through a course of doctors, medicine, dieting; proper exercise, etc., until I gave them up in disgust. Christian Science was then recommended and tried. It seemed a dangerous thing for a ministerial student to tamper with, and misgivings, fears, and doubts crowded my mind. Physical relief came, but that was nothing compared with the uplifting, spiritual influence felt in the treatment.
I felt more than ever like singing,—
"For heaven is nearer, And Christ is dearer,
Than yesterday to me; His love and light
Fill all my soul to-night."
The thought came, if this draws you so near to God, it surely cannot be an evil or dangerous thing. A copy of Science and Health was given me to read; and, although its clear reasoning, purity of thought, and high spirituality commended it to my mind; yet there was a strong, bitter feeling against it, principally because it conflicted with my pet orthodox theories.
About this time there was a stirring up among the ministers and members in the church, of which I was a member. A stand for or against Christian Science was called for. Those for were dealt with accordingly. I could not give up my theories, which I then regarded as the Truth, and so decided to leave it alone altogether. Leave Christian Science alone? Yes, if it would leave me alone.
Seeds of Truth had been planted, and they would sprout. I could but ask, had I been candid in searching for Truth? Ofttimes the seed, we have so anxiously sown, seems lost, or choked by the surrounding weeds; but meanwhile it has been germinating and growing apace, until, by and by, it towers above the weeds, and soon they begin to wither and die.
In my ministry I found Science thoughts working into my sermons, and frequently difficulties would come up which were hard to meet. How to reconcile some ideas of Truth, that had found lodgement with my orthodox teaching, puzzled me. For instance, I could not consider so-called death a "dispensation of God's providence;" yet if death was not from God, where did it come from? As I looked on a corpse I would say, "This is not your dear one." But then came the thought, if this is not that one, how could it be before death? And if death is the stepping-stone to glory, why grieve at all?
At the sacrament of the Lord's supper I could not help wondering if God cared very much about the bread and wine. Especially was this the case in one instance: The good lady who made the bread had put "shortening" in it, and some of the other good brethren and sisters objected. Well, I thought, what does the Lord care about the shortening? Then, if He does not care about the shortening, Why does He care about any of the material? Fermented and unfermented wine suggested the same query. The chemical change wrought in the wine was in accord with a law made by God, as I believed. How then, could a change in accordance with God's own law make anything unacceptable to Him? It seemed plain that it was not the condition of the material, but the condition of thought, the state of mind in the worshippers. If such was the case, what virtue could there be in the material? God could not accept sacrifices as of old, if the thought of the offerer was evil. See Isa, i. 11—18; Ps. li. 16, 17. If matter was of no importance why did God make it?
Another difficulty I found was in audible prayer. I cannot say that I ever offered a prayer in public, without thinking of how it was being accepted by the people. Especially was this the case if some prominent person was in the congregation. Yet, I do not consider that I was "a sinner above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem" in this respect. It is doubtful if ever a public prayer is offered without such thoughts. I have often reproached myself on this account, and tried, and tried again to forget all material surroundings, but mortal sense would assert itself. Then, I would ask, why pray aloud at all? Can God who knoweth "the thoughts and intents of the heart" hear better? If not, it is only for the benefit of the people, and that is not prayer. These, with many others, were the ever recurring thoughts which mark the steps leading me to Christian Science.
At last, after two years of such struggling against the Truth, I determined to investigate the subject, and satisfy my mind. The more immediate cause was my comparing two passages of Scripture, Gen. iii. 5, "Ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil;" and Rom. xvi. 19, "I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil." I had preached a great deal against evil, and thought it necessary to know as much as possible about it in order to guard against it. Here were two passages, the one for, the other against me. The one agreeing with me was the Serpent, the one against me, the inspired apostle. Adam had always known Good, and all his trouble arose from a desire to know good and evil. Now if knowing evil was bad,—which it certainly proved to be,—and if, in our efforts to get back to God we should be "simple concerning evil," surely God could not be its origin. If God made all that was made, and did not create evil, it cannot have a real existence.
I had always prayed that I might be led by the Spirit, and firmly believed that God would fulfil the promise of Jesus, "When he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth." But it was hard to get the consent of my mind to be led into it through Christian Science. At last I succeeded.
When we (my wife and I) had decided to investigate, we heard of a course of lectures to be given to a class of so-called Scientists, and determined to enter. We knew little of the difference, and were told that they were just about the same, only this teaching was more liberal and advanced; that no human leader was recognized, every one having a right to his own opinion, and the claim of sin was simply ignored. Of course this was exceedingly enticing. No belief of evil to overcome, and to have any opinion we wished, and call it Truth. Mortal mind had been holding itself in readiness to protest against being dethroned, and here we found it still had the right to sway the sceptre.
We soon discovered that something was wrong, and were disappointed in what we heard and saw. The gentleness, meekness, and love we had seen in the lives of true Scientists were lacking. Self was exalted instead of abased; no reverence for God was manifested; the desires of sense were indulged,—for every one was a law unto himself; and man was made identical with God. It was the subtle claim of the Serpent repeated: "I will make you as gods." If what we found here had been Christian Science, we would have been sadly disappointed, but we had read Science and Health enough to know the difference.
Our experience only served to turn us away from the false, to seek the true. We were more hungry for the Truth than ever, and could not feel satisfied until we had been under the instruction of one of Mrs. Eddy's students. The opportunity soon came. After trying to feed on husks, how sweet was the bread at our Father's table.
Nothing delights me more than the light which Christian Science throws on the Scriptures. Difficulties, that always seemed inexplicable, are made clear; every passage is illumined. I cannot see, now, how I could have read the Bible with any pleasure before coming into Science. "The crooked is made straight, and the rough places plain."
