It is hardly believable that after one had been snatched from the jaws of death through a beautiful healing in Christian Science from blood poisioning, that this selfsame person would be so ungrateful as to allow himself to fall into the grasp of evil, especially when he had known no other teaching of God. But after leaving home and the influence of beautiful Christian Science thought held continually by my dear mother, I tried for four years to do without God. At first my action was merely carelessness, due to no particular need or desire to study the Bible and by Mary Baker Eddy. Later, as I became more blinded to the truth, sin ruled my consciousness. Little by little, as the years rolled by, I became more and more blinded; and finally I found myself serving the false gods of pride, envy, hate, revenge, self-pity, drunkenness, and lust. I was without any funds, with ill health and an evil mind. Suicide seemed to me the only way out of my sorrow and misery.
At this crucial moment there came the "still small voice" in the form of a gentle, kind rebuke from a Christian Science acquaintance, who asked, "Why do you not study your Science?" That was the cup of cold water given in Christ's name; and I, with shame and remorse, lips parched and weary of life, took it and drank. I was ready for the truth, humble, and full of desire to give up all worldly, material pains and pleasures. As Mrs. Eddy says in "Miscellaneous Writings," on pages 203 and 204: "The baptism of repentance is indeed a stricken state of human consciousness, wherein mortals gain severe views of themselves; a state of mind which rends the veil that hides mental deformity. Tears flood the eyes, agony struggles, pride rebels, and a mortal seems a monster, a dark, impenetrable cloud of error; and falling on the bended knee of prayer, humble before God, he cries, 'Save, or I perish.'"
An instantaneous demonstration came in the desire to read and study not only the Bible and Science and Health, but all of Mrs. Eddy's wonderful writings and the Christian Science periodicals. This renewal by the Spirit was something I had never known in all my life before; it was sweet and refreshing; and its fruits were soon made manifest, for within a week I was completely relieved of any desire to smoke, drink, or entertain any impure thoughts, which had before enslaved me into all manner of sinning. A fine position was secured in the face of very adverse conditions; health and energy were revived; and there dawned upon me a new birth, —a clearer, higher understanding of God, bringing pure hopes, peace, and harmony.
