I was in deep human despair when a dear friend brought Christian Science to me several years ago. At that time the harmony within our family had been disturbed through serious problems. Economic difficulties and disturbed human relationships had driven me to the verge of complete resignation.
Self-justification and condemnation of those whom I sought to hold responsible for these conditions held me imprisoned to such an extent that the idea of looking for the fault in myself, that is, in my own thought, at first did not occur to me at all. But I had recognized that these difficulties could not be solved in a human manner.
The pressure of events was so great that I earnestly began to study Christian Science. "Ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord" (Jer. 29:13, 14). I gradually found help through a transformation of my character. Mrs. Eddy says in her hymn, "'Feed My Sheep,'" (Christian Science Hymnal, No. 304),
Thou wilt bind the stubborn will,
Wound the callous breast,
Make self-righteousness be still,
Break earth's stupid rest.
I had to learn to give up stubborn human will until my hard heart was receptive to divine Love.
This mental chemicalization of which Mrs. Eddy speaks in the textbook, Science and Health,was accompanied by severe trials, and I am grateful that a fine Christian Science practitioner guided and supported me.
To the extent that I learned to rely solely on God as an ever-present help, the disturbance subsided. My life gradually became calmer, and the entire family—my husband and four children—were also blessed.
At the beginning it was very hard for me to understand Christian Science healings of physical difficulties. I wasn't thinking of my own health at all in this but did accept what the practitioner pointed out concerning reliance upon God as the Physician, and I took no medication. This spiritual reliance emptied my consciousness further of material thinking, of dependence on material means, and opened it wider to trust in God, Spirit.
The year before learning of Christian Science I had had surgery, and according to medical orders I was to take medication daily for the rest of my life in order to prevent so-called deficiency symptoms. As my understanding of true spiritual substance and life in and of God, Spirit, increased, all the physical problems simply fell away unnoticed—without special prayerful work. I had abandoned all medicine.
A tormenting condition of insomnia was completely healed, and a feeling of general weakness, digestive troubles, and recurring pains in the back caused by strained ligaments disappeared. I am grateful that colds and sinusitis, which used to occur frequently, have not reappeared since this healing. I lost the fear that something bad could become imbedded in my thought. The words of the psalm "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Ps. 139:23, 24) have often helped me when symptoms of a cold have begun to appear, ending them.
My new physical strength is a mystery to those around me. I have become a new person and am deeply grateful for the understanding that I must "rise in the conscious strength of the spirit of Truth to overthrow the plea of mortal mind, alias matter, arrayed against the supremacy of Spirit," as Mrs. Eddy states in Science and Health (pp. 390-391).
I give thanks for the healing of the conditions that led me to Christian Science. It is a great joy for me that one of my children regularly attends Sunday School. Through membership in The Mother Church and in a branch Church of Christ, Scientist, I am learning more and more to understand and to demonstrate that we live in God.
Eltville, Federal Republic of Germany
