My whole life always seemed to be defined by the ups and downs of matters of the heart. Affections and sentiments played a great role, motivating me and my thoughts. Attachments to people caused corresponding high and low points and finally brought me to the feet of God in search of a more stable, more impersonal love.
At that time I was suffering from severe heart problems. Also, I could rarely sit in concert halls or airplanes without fear. Often I had to pray mightily, as I would be overcome with severe anxiety when sitting at the wheel of my own car. At those times I would cling to God's presence and say aloud, "It isn't true. Don't be afraid. God is your life, and it's right for you to live." But I had a lot to learn about what this living is all about.
When I then took class instruction in Christian Science, I gained deeper insights into the true possibility of living a life with God. The great realization of God's presence and omnipotence, and of the consequent nothingness of all evil, helped me to understand the fact that I live in divine Spirit, not in matter. A glimmer of the true unity of God and His beloved child started to shine. I felt like a thirsty wanderer given a drink of cold water. I perceived more of the grace and faithfulness I had always possessed as God's reflection, and learned to understand and acknowledge what the Psalmist says: "Mercy shall be built up for ever: thy faithfulness shalt thou establish in the very heavens" (89:2). This divine assurance made a lasting impression on my thinking, and I became calmer and more peaceful.
