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Original in German

My whole life always...

From the September 1993 issue of The Christian Science Journal

My whole life always seemed to be defined by the ups and downs of matters of the heart. Affections and sentiments played a great role, motivating me and my thoughts. Attachments to people caused corresponding high and low points and finally brought me to the feet of God in search of a more stable, more impersonal love.

At that time I was suffering from severe heart problems. Also, I could rarely sit in concert halls or airplanes without fear. Often I had to pray mightily, as I would be overcome with severe anxiety when sitting at the wheel of my own car. At those times I would cling to God's presence and say aloud, "It isn't true. Don't be afraid. God is your life, and it's right for you to live." But I had a lot to learn about what this living is all about.

When I then took class instruction in Christian Science, I gained deeper insights into the true possibility of living a life with God. The great realization of God's presence and omnipotence, and of the consequent nothingness of all evil, helped me to understand the fact that I live in divine Spirit, not in matter. A glimmer of the true unity of God and His beloved child started to shine. I felt like a thirsty wanderer given a drink of cold water. I perceived more of the grace and faithfulness I had always possessed as God's reflection, and learned to understand and acknowledge what the Psalmist says: "Mercy shall be built up for ever: thy faithfulness shalt thou establish in the very heavens" (89:2). This divine assurance made a lasting impression on my thinking, and I became calmer and more peaceful.