Shortly After Thanksgiving two years ago, I started coughing, had shortness of breath, and lost my appetite, all of which made me feel very weak. For a couple of days, I drifted in and out of consciousness. Christian Science nurses took care of my physical needs so beautifully at this time, which also included a stay at a Christian Science care facility for a period. I also had a Christian Science practitioner praying for me.
Although I don't recall too much about that time, I do remember feeling a loving presence with me. It was more expansive and caring than a human touch, and I felt it supporting me. My prayers before this had always focused more on thinking about God than feeling God as my actual life. Although it wasn't entirely an intellectual process, my prayers, at times, were more about the letter than the spirit of the Bible and Science and Health. This sometimes led me to analyze a problem in the attempt to achieve a solution under my own steam. So this occasion stood out as the most wordless experience of God's presence I'd ever had. I wasn't in any position to speculate about the outcome or work the difficulty out from what I'd learned in the past, but just felt carried through it. I still find it reassuring to know that even when we can't think for ourselves, God's help is there for us.
When I could begin to reason clearly again, the 23rd Psalm comforted me, and I took the part about lying down in green pastures to mean that God is at peace with Himself and His creation, and that His healing power is effortless. Before this, I'd always been the kind of person who found it hard to relax, and was always trying to do or fix something. Now I felt that God was telling me that He, not I, was responsible for my daily activities and my health. I could rest in His approval, and not feel I needed to earn it through a lengthy prayer. Neither did I need to worry that things would fall apart if I weren't there to do something about them. I had to trust that God would work things out better than I could ever plan, and I didn't need to know just how. As I became quiet and listened, I became more confident that God's power, not any ability I could muster, would carry me through these dark days, and every day.
