AFTER THE DEATH OF A FRIEND in seventh grade, I carried around a feeling of sadness and guilt. I felt that I had made mistakes and let people down, and hadn't always been the friend I could have been. The sadness became habitual. At times it took on almost an air of arrogance and became a reason not to be lively or outreaching.
During my sophomore year of college, I struggled with a dark feeling of depression. I had gotten into the habit of harshly condemning myself for every little imperfect thought or behavior. I felt overwhelmed with the appearance of evil in the world, and I was filled with a great desire to help others, yet I felt inadequate to do anything with all my imperfections and fears. Life seemed sad and hopeless.
Though I had long been a student of Christian Science and had even gone through Primary class instruction in this Science, all my prayers began from a material basis rather than a spiritual one—from "I am so small and weak" instead of "I am the reflection of God's goodness and omnipotence."
