Many years ago, I was asked to take on the duties of Second Reader at my Christian Science Society, but for as long as I could remember any activity that required speaking in public had been fraught with anxiety for me. Even as a child, something as simple as talking to a store clerk or responding to a teacher’s question had been difficult.
Many of my life decisions were influenced by a feeling of inadequacy, to the extent that I avoided certain job opportunities and weighed personal friendships through that lens. Although I took steps to address these fears, nothing seemed to work for long and I’d find myself sliding back into fear and self-condemnation.
In the Bible we read of Moses overcoming his own fear and inadequacies. When God told him to speak to the children of Israel, to lead them from captivity in Egypt, Moses didn’t feel up to the task. He said to the Lord, “I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.” And the Lord replied, “Who hath made man’s mouth? . . . Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say” (Exodus 4:10–12).
I thought, “If only I could overcome my reluctance as Moses eventually did and take on the assignment of Second Reader with courage.” In retrospect, I realize I had started to think that this fear of public speaking was part of my character and would follow me through life. Like Moses, I had accepted that I had certain limitations, the source of which I knew from my study of Christian Science was the belief that I had an existence separate from God, divine Love. However, I also knew that this material, limited view of myself was false and had to be challenged on the basis of what was spiritually true. The truth was that I had always been the loved and fully capable child of God because I reflected Love’s unlimited, infinite qualities. No contradictory claim of the material senses could deny my ascendancy over this false belief and my inherent God-given freedom.
As I prayed with these ideas, I began to gain a sense of dominion over the fear of public speaking. Each trial that I faced down in this regard strengthened my resolve and demonstrated the divine law of deliverance from fear and all evil. Jesus reminded his followers that all of his works were possible because of God, not himself. This sense of humility and acknowledgment of the majesty of the Almighty is empowering.
I began to praise and thank God each time I felt freer to speak. This became easy to do when I turned my focus from the problem to the truth in the Apostle Paul’s statement, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (II Timothy 1:7).
One necessary adjustment that took place was a shift from self-centered thinking (which felt like the spirit of fear) to God-centered thinking, and opening my thought to God’s angel messages. These messages included the realization that the spiritual meaning of the Bible and the divinely inspired words in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy—the books that make up our Church’s “dual and impersonal pastor” (Mary Baker Eddy, Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, p. 322)—would sustain me as Second Reader, a post in the church I found the courage to accept. My thought was being steered away from the sense of personal failure or success and toward the pure joy of sharing the truths of Scripture with the congregation.
One Sunday morning while serving as a Reader, I felt very congested and was quickly losing my voice altogether. During the short drive to church, I prayed to know that nothing could stand in the way of right activity. However, while singing the first hymn of the service, it was evident there was a problem with my voice. As I looked out on the congregation, I could feel a sense of warmth and healing support. When it was time for me to read, I could do so with a confident and clear voice.
Much time has elapsed since those first attempts to come out of my shell. Since then I’ve been privileged to serve as both First and Second Reader in my Christian Science Society. At one time I was called upon to serve as a Reader for eight years consecutively.
Now when I’m asked to take on the Readership, I do so with joyful gratitude and an expectancy of unfolding blessings.
Josephine Ndibalekeera
Kampala, Uganda
