"And they shall come from the east, and from the west, and from the north, and from the south, and shall sit down in the kingdom of God."—Luke xiii. 29.
Truly, "the things that ye fear they shall come upon you." How does it seem possible to fear a good thing! Yet, from earliest childhood, a great fear was upon me that ultimately I would accept Christianity,—not because I saw anything more worthy of emulation in the so-called Christian than in the Jew, but from sheer love of the words and deeds of the blessed Master, which it never entered my mind to doubt, although (to sense) born of strictly orthodox Jewish parents.
As young Jewish children are not supposed to read the New Testament, nor even a childish tale in which the name of Jesus is mentioned, the fact that I made myself an exception to this rule, I regard now in the light of a direct spiritual leading. "Seek and ye shall find;" but, as a renegade from Judaism is held in great abhorrence, and often mourned for as dead, it can easily be understood how any one contemplating such a step would be filled with a superstitious dread of consequences.
In course of time I formed many acquaintances amongst Christians, attended different places of worship, hoping to fill an aching void (sense), but found nothing more satisfactory than Judaism; which at least believes in God as an incorporeal Unit, an impersonal Force or first great Cause, all Wisdom, all Good, all Love. But how to reconcile this Wisdom with His apparent rule, this Goodness with the wickedness of His people, this Love with a wrath that carries destruction in its path, was a problem.
Judaism teaches the Immortality of the Soul, but claims the matter-body as an instrument thereof. This body wears out and, becoming useless, returns its occupant to its Maker who then metes out the punishment for misdeeds, which it providentially (?) escaped while inhabiting the flesh, or rewards according to merit. This Soul is supposed to be made in the image and likeness of God. How, then, account for its imperfection, since He is Perfection? Oh! if only the dark side of this picture could be blotted out. God might then appear something more than a myth.
At last, after years of seeming physical suffering, unavailing search for God, and an unsatisfied hungry craving for Religion, all hidden under a scoffing, indifferent demeanor,—for I could neither accept Judaism in its entirety, nor so-called Christianity whose teachings seemed a jumble of Jesus as God in the flesh, and a strange concept of a bodily trinity,—the conclusion was forced upon me that chance was the only God; and that, since life was so uncertain, and too short to accomplish any great end, it might as well be shorter.
At this juncture, there came into this seemingly valueless life a light, a beautiful presence, a woman all radiant with the love of God, Good, which shone about her as a halo. "Man's extremity is God's opportunity." She spoke to me of God as Principle; of Christ as Truth; of Love fulfilling the law; of the kingdom of Heaven within us; of Jesus as a man and brother, the great Wayshower; of the triumph of Mind over matter, of Truth over error. "I was born anew." Physically healed, I fell at the feet of Christ, and gave thanks with a loud voice, exclaiming "Whereas I was blind, now I see." To be the thing I feared, a Christian, it was not necessary to worship Jesus as God, but to acknowledge in him the Messiah, the Saviour, in a sense purely impersonal. And the beautiful word Christ, meant Truth. What a revelation!
Immediately, notwithstanding the opposition of parents sincere and loving in the old way, I became a regular attendant at the Church of Christ (Scientist), and soon after a loving student of Christian Science, under the tuition of a noble worker in the good Cause. It was a great comfort to know that Jesus had been a Jew; that he had separated the chaff from the wheat of Judaism, had taken the spiritual part as a groundwork, and dispensed with the forms and ceremonies in which the true idea was shrouded; in fact, had rejected materialism entirely; had given us a tangible religion, and a knowledge of God, "whom to know is life eternal."
The Bible, read in connection with the "little book," Science and Health, which reveals so clearly its grand Truth, became transformed from a book of impossible fairy tales, into a priceless treasure, a mine of gold. Truly says this 'little book': "The desire which goes forth hungering after righteousness is blessed of our Father, and does not return unto us void."
One little incident, as an early demonstration in Christian Science, and illustrative of the ever watchfulness of the Father, I will relate. As may be supposed, my acceptance of Christ as the Messiah, was a terrible blow to my parents. In the hope that a removal from the scene of my conversion would prove instrumental in turning the current of my thought, it was decided that I should go to the mountains for a while, although late in the season. Armed with the New Testament and Science and Health, I took my departure. I was not forgotten by the dear, new-found friends; but received many helpful, encouraging letters, in one of which was a recommendation to read the ninety-first Psalm. The only obstacle to this lay in the fact that I had no Bible, and could not succeed in borrowing one.
One morning about a week later, my sister and I went for a drive to a village ten miles distant, expecting to return by three P.M. Alas! the mortal who drove our rickety mountain-wagon, fell in with some boon companions on the way; and when we reached the village he left us in the wagon, and was gone with them about an hour, returning in an intoxicated condition. He asked if we would object to his driving to the boat-landing, three miles further, so that he might pick up any stray passengers. Too frightened to say no, we consented. Upon arriving, our driver was greeted with shouts of derisive laughter and rude joking, by the crowds of idle men who swarmed the place. I prayed for a realization of the ever-presence of God, Good, and the nothingness of evil, error. Presently one of the men, noticing our distress, came forward hat in hand, to say that the boat would not come in for three hours (it was now 2 p. m.), and offer to conduct us to the primitive hotel near by and find us a room where we would be private. Thankfully we followed him into a dingy, carpetless little room whose only furniture was a few wooden chairs, several cuspidors, and a single common deal table; but, O joy! what did my eyes behold peacefully lying on that table, but the dear old Bible, the only one I saw during my whole stay. It was quickly seized and opened at the ninety-first Psalm, and the wonderful promises therein contained soon accomplished their mission. All fear vanished. I realized for the first time the truth of the utterance of Science and Health that, "The 'divine ear' is not an auditorial nerve. It is the all-hearing and all-knowing Mind, to whom each want is always known, and by whom it will be supplied." We were driven safely home, over a dark, precipitous road, though no longer dangerous; as the fear which made it so had been driven out of consciousness by trust in those wonderful promises of the Love that is God.
This same Love was further manifested six months later in a recall to my home, with the full permission of my parents to tread the path had chosen; the straight and narrow path that, leads to eternal salvation.
If this article appears too much in the nature of a personal reminiscence, its excuse must be the earnest, underlying hope that in this guise it may sooner reach some dear brother or sister struggling, as I was, out of dark Egyptian bondage, into the glorious light of the sons of God, the True Children of Israel. "The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him; he also will hear their cry, and will save them." Psalms cxlv. 18, 19.
