I WISH to tell how I became a Christian Scientist. I was brought up in the Church of England, and was taught according to its teachings. I desired to lead a Christian life, and sought for it in the homes of Christian people, where I thought it would be sure to be found. I sought it in confirmation, and in communion; but it was not there. These were empty forms, bringing no real or lasting peace. I searched the Scriptures, but no light shone through the darkness. My Bible taught me that to know God was life eternal. How could I know more of him than I already knew? I found I must be born again; that was not new to me, but I did not see the way, as I understood being born again of Spirit must be a true desire to be good and follow in the footsteps of our dear Master. How should I follow him; I had the desire but how begin? I felt there must be something more to do than to calmly wait for the end, for the Bible says we must "work out our own salvation."
The hardest thing for me to believe was that God, a just and loving Father, should require an only Son to come on earth and suffer and die, to appease his wrath, and after all it was chance if we were found worthy in the end to share his glory. I studied the Master's sayings a great deal they seemed to me to be full of promise. But what is this he says to those he is sending out into the world, not only the twelve, but also the seventy? Go ye into all the world, preach the gospel to the poor heal the sick cast out devils. More than that, he promised that these signs should follow them that believe. Now it seemed to me that something must be wrong. If our clergymen were following in his footsteps why were these signs absent? I inquired of these same clergymen, but received no satisfactory answer. I studied the works of the earlier Christians, and found that the healing power was with them two or three hundred years after Jesus had left them. Then why had it been lost? Perhaps ours was not the right religion. I would see what other denominations did. I became acquainted with Baptists, thinking that there I might find some light on the subject but alas, I was doomed to disappointment! Their strong claim was immersion to wash away sin, but the signs did not follow. Then I sought among the Methodists, for I thought among people professing so much, I should be sure to find some one able to throw light upon my darkness. Again I was doomed to disappointment, for those who professed the most did not live up to their professions. I longed for a practical religion, where, according to the Scriptures, I could work out my own salvation. Through all this I began to think with David: "There is none good, no not one." Often when in trouble, passages of Scripture would come to me as if to mock me. Then I would cry aloud, Why did they write a book with so many promises of love, from a God who seemed to take delight in seeing his children suffer? I could not see justice in a God who could create mankind and make them both good and evil, with the balance in favor of evil, and then punish them for what he had made them capable of doing.
Through all this I became confused and did not know which way to turn. I tried to make myself believe there was no God, but failed, for the words of David would come to me as a reproof, "The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God." Then I put my Bible away, and resolved to have no more to do with religion as a profession. I would live as near right as I knew how, but without profession. That was eighteen years ago.
