In 1893 I became interested in what I heard called "The New Thought." Everything that was not "Orthodox" I read and listened to with great interest. I became conscious that I was, and had been for a long time continually seeking something, and when some literature on "The New Thought" was placed in my hands, I thought I would find what I was seeking for. For nearly three years I read everything in that line that I could get hold years I read everything in that line that I could get hold of. While I read everything with great interest, still that longing for something was never satisfied. Strange to say, in all that time no Christian Science literature had come to me. I found myself watching and listening intently to every one, hoping to find some one interested in "The New Thought." We had moved from the city where I had first heard of it, and were then living in a part of the country where it seemingly takes a long time for anything new to penetrate.
I had never been physically strong; as far back as I can remember I had had sick headaches, which were becoming more frequent as I grew older. From a delicate child I grew into a more delicate woman. About two years after I became interested in "The New Thought," a physical trouble developed, which occurred at the birth of my last baby, who was then four years old. I, not knowing what the trouble was, paid no attention to it for several months, until it affected my entire system, so that I could scarcely get about. When it affected my heart, I became frightened and consulted a physician, who pronounced the trouble "laceration," and stated it was the cause of my heart trouble and all the other ills I then had, and informed me I would never be well again unless I submitted to an operation. Two other physicians corroborated the statement of the first physician. I had always had a horror of operations. I could never bear to hear any one speak of, or describe them; and I felt sure that I should never recover from one, no matter how much they tried to encourage me.
My two little girls decided me to remain here an invalid rather than risk an operation. I was naturally of a happy disposition, but the prospect of never being any better than I was at that time, and the belief that I could not live very long, made the moments I spent alone very sad indeed. Besides, I had nothing to look forward to, for I was one of those unfortunate beings who could not believe in God. Jesus, Heaven, or the Bible, as the orthodox Church taught, and the knowledge I had gained from "The New Thought" only made my mental condition worse.
