"Only by the way of most insistent and persistent reliance on God, do we come actually to realize that we live and move, and have our being in Him." I was in "bondage to the flesh" for many long years, suffering— intensely from rheumatism. I can scarcely recall a day during this time when I was entirely free from pain. For sixteen years I had been under the care of physicians, two of them being noted specialists; but I received only temporary relief, and was gradually growing worse, when other and more dangerous complications set in. The physicians had now to deal with inflammation of the kidneys, which soon developed into acute Bright's disease, accompanied by severe headaches which were of several days' duration, leaving me in a state bordering on absolute collapse. I was at times delirious for twenty-four hours before relief came. While the physicians did all they could, they failed entirely to heal me permanently. I submitted to the knife at three different times, and after each operation, awakened to the fact that no progress had been made, that I was actually worse off than ever before. At these times I tried to comfort myself with the remark I heard one of the doctors make to his assistant, that a short while would end it all, and he hoped this last operation would give me "a little comfort at least." I felt that death would be preferable to such suffering, even though in going I would leave a dear family behind.
I had tried to live a Christian life, and at all times felt resigned to what I thought was God's will regarding me, but alas! how little I knew, how faint was my understanding of God's will, and that it meant life to me, not death. In every way I was slowly but surely losing ground, growing weaker day by day, until the physicians, as a last resort, decided upon the removal of certain organs, feeling very positive that this would help me, that it would at least enable me to get out of doors for a walk; for during these latter months I had been confined to my room and bed.
This fourth operation was advised and I had begun the preparations for it, when Christian Science was brought to my notice through the remarkable healing of a sister. I did not want Christian Science; in fact we had heard of it many years before, and regarded it lightly, but now I felt that something must be done, for I could not think of the hospital, the knife, and all the suffering over again. I really felt that I could not live through it, but an operation was the only hope the physicians held out to me. As is so often the case "man's extremity" was "God's opportunity," and I finally consented to a trial of the Christian Science method of healing. I often recall the thoughts I entertained regarding the kind, loving, and patient practitioner who was called to help me,— they were thoughts of ridicule, distrust, and dislike, but even with all that to contend with, I began to improve with the first treatment, and at the third visit I began to pray,— not as I now know how to pray in Science,— but I said a prayer. My heart was growing to love the Leader, and I began to wonder what this Christian Science really was. Before two weeks had passed I was so much better that my friends noted the change in my appearance.
