WHEN I was a boy of only seven or eight years of age, I attended the funeral service of a small child. The good minister said among other things, "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." Hearing this, I looked expectantly at the sorrowing parents and others who were in tears, thinking this good news would dry their tears instantly, but on seeing the mother grieve all the more, I tugged at my mother's dress until I got her attention, when I asked, "What makes them cry, if God has taken their baby; can't He take good care of it?" My mother said, "You do not understand, my boy." I grew up in what was called an unbelieving attitude, and was counted as lost by the good church people. Later when my dear mother was passing on, she was asked, "Do you believe that you are going to heaven?" Her answer was, "I hope so." "Dear God," I thought (if there be a God), "if that dear woman who has been so true to her religion and who has suffered privation and want uncomplainingly,—if all she has at the end is a hope, then I want none of it."
I had already given my mother much anxiety because of my unbelief and persistence in asking for information. I could not believe in a God of hate and vengeance, nor would I be scared into heaven. Thus in manhood I found myself without a God. I led a life of drinking and carousing, with intermittent efforts at reformation and consequent spurts of business success. Finally, as a result of it all, came disgrace, dishonor, and total depravity.
Again I had been kindly taken up and given a "gold-cure," also financial assistance, and I was in a fair way to business success and, as many of my friends hoped, to a life of usefulness. I married a lady who bore with my sly drinking uncomplainingly, while seeing every material resource slip away from me. A short time after this, while in Cleveland, Ohio, my wife was healed of a severe form of rheumatism which had caused her limbs to draw out of shape. For several months she had with great difficulty managed to get around by the use of crutches, but with the assistance of a friend I get her to a Christian Science practitioner's office, though I had no faith whatever in Christian Science and was still an unbeliever in anything pertaining to God. I was told by the lady to come back in half an hour and that my wife would be ready to go with me. On returning I found her well and joyously happy. She left the crutches and returned home a well woman, and has never had a return of this disease since, now over five years. Notwithstanding this experience of its efficacy, on my being asked, "What do you think of Christian Science now?" I many times said, "I guess it is all right for women and weak-minded people."
