AFTER A FEW YEARS OF MARRIAGE, my husband and I wanted to start a family. I thought that this would be a natural and easy step for us, as we had a very loving home and felt we would make good, strong parents. But when nothing happened after a few years, I was very discouraged. I consulted a fertility specialist in December of 1999. After examining me, he offered his opinion that I would not be able to conceive a child without extensive medical intervention, because there appeared to be a complete tubal occlusion. He also said that even if I undertook these treatments, there was only a certain chance of success that a pregnancy could be achieved.
A fertility specialist said that I would not be able to conceive without extensive medical intervention.
I received this news two days before Christmas, and I was absolutely devastated. My husband and I had planned to travel to his family's for the holiday, and I prayed to God non-stop just to gain a feeling of peace and love at Christmastime, and to be joyous around my husband's family. My sister-in-law would be giving birth in a few weeks, and I was grateful that I was able to be genuinely happy for her and to enjoy the wonderful fact that I was going to be an aunt for the first time. This was a major step for me, as I had been extremely jealous previously.
I spent every available hour during that Christmas period studying Mary Baker Eddy's book Miscellaneous Writings. My husband also prayed daily. The support of his family and my own, in addition to what I was learning about Christian Science, brought me peace and comfort, and we were able to climb out of our sorrow and to enjoy the holiday with the others. I am so grateful for this, because just a few weeks later my father-in-law passed on, and I was thankful that we had enjoyed the holiday with him and hadn't wasted time feeling sorry for ourselves.
After Christmas, I called a Christian Science practitioner to help me pray about the infertility. She agreed to pray for me, and I agreed that during my daily study of the Bible Lesson from the Christian Science Quarterly, I would think deeply about every verse that referred to creation. I found it amazing that in every Lesson there was so much discussion about God's spiritual creation as the complete reflection of the wisdom-filled creator.
DURING MY STUDY, I became aware that I was afraid I'd done something wrong in the past that could have brought about this condition. I discussed this with the practitioner, and she assured me of my God-given purity and my perfect spiritual nature. I was able to drop this fear and to feel God's love for me.
One fundamental truth the practitioner shared with me was that I couldn't possibly create anything. God was the only creator, the only lawmaker, and He didn't create a material law that could block my being or stop any flow of goodness. One of the wonderful verses that I prayed over from the Bible was, "I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you." Isa. 46:4. Also, "And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper." Ps. 1:3.
I memorized the paragraph Mrs. Eddy wrote in Science and Health about "Scientific obstetrics." It begins, "To attend properly the birth of the new child, or divine idea, you should so detach mortal thought from its material conceptions, that the birth will be natural and safe." Science and Health, p. 463. I was also greatly helped by her article "The New Birth" in Miscellaneous Writings. I began to hold in my thought each day all of the qualities that I envisioned for my child, such as grace, goodness, obedience, sweetness, joy, intelligence, beauty, health. I saw that God's perfect, spiritual idea included all of His perfection and glory. I prayed every day in this fashion, finding new insight with each passing day. I became very peaceful and expectant. There was no longer any deliberation about medical intervention. For me, that was no longer an option.
During this time, a young dog was brought to our home to live with us. I mothered this dog with such tenderness that I suppose some people would have laughed at me. And my husband, who had never had a pet growing up and didn't want the dog initially, learned patience, understanding, and affection as we cared for the dog. I would tell my husband that these qualities were preparing him for fatherhood, and he accepted this in a very sweet way.
AFTER A WHILE, I asked God if this dog was my final answer to motherhood. The answer I got was a wonderful feeling of peace and completeness. Then, one day in April, my husband asked me if I would be willing to get a second opinion from another doctor. I made the appointment, but just before going, I found out that I was pregnant! I can't describe the gratitude I felt at that moment. I had the pregnancy confirmed by this second doctor. He was also a fertility specialist, and when he discovered that I was indeed pregnant, he stated that he didn't know why I had come to see him, but that I wouldn't be needing his services. With tears of absolute joy, I told him why I had come, and that Christian Science had healed me.
The child arrived when he was supposed to, and in the middle of a blizzard, no less!
The interesting part of this healing was that the doctor was able to confirm that the pregnancy had commenced from the exact part of the female apparatus that had been said to be completely blocked and nonfunctioning. No blockage whatsoever could be found. As I was leaving the office, the doctor said that he wished more of his cases would end so happily. Everyone in that doctor's office rejoiced with me.
We kept the pregnancy very quiet, telling only immediate family after a few months, and then letting others discover it as time progressed and it became obvious. This was a private time for my husband and me, and for the child—a time with God.
During my last trimester, it looked as if the birth would happen eight weeks early, and the doctor who was on the case prescribed bed rest and a particular medication. My husband wanted me to follow these instructions. I struggled greatly about taking the medication, but I came to the conclusion in my prayers that since I am a completely spiritual idea, nothing material could touch me. It couldn't help me or hurt me, and God would be the One who would ultimately determine when the child would arrive, medicine or not. I called the practitioner and told her what the situation was. I fully expected that she would need to leave the case because of this turn of events. But she told me that, because it was my desire to rely on God, she would see me through this all the way. I was so grateful. I continued praying with her, just knowing that all was well with me and with the child, and that only God had complete control over this situation. Whenever contractions would start prematurely, I would call the practitioner, and she would strengthen and comfort me with spiritual truths from the Bible and from Science and Health, and then the contractions would cease.
The doctor said that he wished more of his cases would end so happily.
AT 37 WEEKS, the doctor took me off the medication and bed rest, and I resumed some activity. The child arrived when he was supposed to, just four days before the expected due date—and in the middle of a blizzard, no less! Our beautiful son was safely born in four hours. He brings us much joy and happiness, and my husband and I are so grateful for all the wonderful lessons that we learned throughout this experience.
During Christmas 1999, we had struggled with the false pressure of thinking of ourselves as creators, and during Christmas 2000, our son was there with us. I know this was the result of our leaving our desires with God, trusting His will, and expecting nothing but goodness because that is what God intends for everyone. And, interestingly enough, every quality that I prayed to recognize as part of our son's spiritual identity before he was conceived, he expresses completely.
Infertility isn't true for anyone. It isn't true because God is the only creator, and we reflect God.
The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion:
and thou shalt see the good
of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.
Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children,
and peace upon Israel.
Psalms 128:5, 6
