THE THOUGHT of failure terrified me. I was often anxious about making mistakes, falling short of people's expectations, and even getting into trouble. At first, this manifested itself in small ways, like desperately wanting to be selected for school sports teams and, after being selected, worrying that I wasn't good enough to be on the team. Eventually these thoughts became habit and later dramatically affected my attitude and performance at work. For example, when I felt ready to progress to a higher level, fear of failing would prevent me from taking the next step.
The issue really became a problem for me several years ago when, after completing an overseas posting in my work for an international aid agency, I resisted returning to the home office in Australia. I was afraid that I would be promoted to a higher management position and would not be able to achieve what was expected of me.
So I resigned, completed a post-graduate qualification in environment and development, and then started a small consultancy business in that field. Once again, though, fear of failure held me back. I found myself afraid to approach prospective clients or to respond constructively to their approaches. I even responded negatively to my business associates. In the end, I withdrew from the business and felt that I had run out of work options.
