I HAD ALWAYS been a perfectionist. I just thought it was who I was. I set very high standards for myself in my work, in my personal relationships, in my parenting, and in my church activities. And when I didn't meet those standards, I was extremely hard on myself.
Big things—like missing a deadline or making a mistake in preparing a budget—would keep me up at night. Small things—like not returning a phone call in what I thought was an appropriate period of time—would make me irritable and impatient with others.
Although I wasn't fully aware of the extent of the problem, I basically walked around many days feeling inadequate, unable to measure up to what I expected of myself. This attitude often affected my dealings with other people, particularly family members. I would take out my bad feelings about myself on them.
