I HAVE ALWAYS BELIEVED THERE IS A GOD, or I suppose at least sensed that there's something more than ourselves. But as I grew up, I developed the belief of a punishing God. I was quite scared of God actually. On one hand, I had the feeling that God was on my side, but on the other hand, that bad stuff would happen if I did anything wrong. It has been only in this past year (four years after learning about Christian Science) that I have gotten over this idea of a punishing God. It's still something I work at really—understanding that God loves unconditionally, like a mother or a father. I kind of always knew that in theory, but in practice, I'd be fearful and worry about being punished. I'm still progressing in my understanding of the depth of God's unconditional love.
My family has always been very active in our local Church of England parish, and when I was younger I went to Sunday School and participated in the youth activities there. I also read the Bible on my own, and I felt everything in it was true in some way. Quite early on—at ten or so—I remember moments of strong divine inspiration that were generally associated with nature and the cosmos. These inspirations about God happened to me a few times.
One Easter a few years ago, at my parents' home in Birmingham, I got one of those strong inspirations again and felt I wanted to find the truth about the universe. I had already been reading a slightly offbeat book about alchemy, which had got me thinking about spiritual truth and power. That morning I went down to the local public library and went through the science books. But none of them looked like what I was after. Next I went to the religious section, because somehow I felt that truth bridged the scientific and the spiritual.
