WITH CONFIDENCE? OR WITH FEAR? Two very different ways to step into the next moment. When I am faced with issues in my life—from the most dramatic to the most mundane—I like to think I can go forward with confidence rather than fear. However, I want something more than just confidence in my human abilities and talents. When I rely on my personal store of skills, the only thing I can be "confident" of is having to accept the limitations that are inherent in mortal existence.
Supposed material conditions in no way defined, restricted, or imposed on my God-supported actions. I was not a poor mortal who had been completely fine one moment, completely helpless the next.
Instead of limitation, I want the confidence that comes with a deeper understanding of who I am as the idea of God. As I daily learn more about God and therefore more about my identity as His idea, my reality-based confidence grows, inexorably pushing out human doubts and fears. Each time I reject the limits of mere human confidence, my life is filled with the endless possibilities of infinite failure-proof, fearless action. God is All and He is good. These are the absolute facts that take my desire for reality-based confidence out of the realm of wishful thinking. I no longer have to "hope" I have what it takes to be fearless. I know I do.
To me, Jesus is the perfect example of reality-based confidence. His awareness of his spiritual, God-given identity allowed him to be absolutely fearless—and it was this confidence that encouraged those around him to be unafraid. There was nothing with which he was faced that he did not see from God's view of perfection. And therefore whatever was needed was provided. Those who were sick were made whole, those who sinned were redeemed, those who lacked discovered abundance at their fingertips. Through the laws of Christian Science, each of us has continual access to the same fearless confidence that exemplified Jesus' life. No matter how afraid, sick, hurt, confused, or helpless we might seem to be, the truth is that right now God is imbuing each of His ideas—you, me, and everyone else—with confidence in His power. What He is, we have by reflection.
A few years ago I had an excellent opportunity to put my reality-based confidence into practice. I was thrown off a horse while riding and was found unconscious by neighbors, who called for help. The first time I regained consciousness was when the paramedics were getting ready to put me in the ambulance after immobilizing me with a neck brace and special board to keep my head in place. I lost consciousness again and woke up in the emergency room of the local hospital. X-rays had been taken, my husband and some friends had arrived, and the doctor, having studied the X-rays, was warning that the slightest wrong movement could precipitate paralysis—or even death. The doctor explained that I needed to be taken immediately to a larger metropolitan hospital where specialists could care for me. This is where that reality-based confidence first kicked in. Instantly I thought, "I don't need to go anywhere for that. I have my own 'specialist' available 24/7. Who could possibly know more about me than my Creator?"
Although it might seem that I should have been fearfully weighing my options as I lay there on that gurney, in fact I saw only one possibility—healing. So as the doctor kindly but forcefully explained my (to his view) limited options, I told him I wanted to go to a Christian Science nursing facility, where I could rely exclusively on spiritual healing. Discussion ensued, and although he continued to issue dire warnings about movement, the doctor finally, with reluctance, released me. Although he didn't really understand where my confidence came from, I felt that he respected it.
This sincere doctor had offered me limited choices, but I knew I had another option—complete healing, complete freedom. I was lying in a hospital corridor in what seemed to be a frightening, dangerous situation and yet my confidence was unshaken. Relying on God's total, effective care has always been my first, safest, and most sensible approach to any situation. This reality-based confidence—which includes looking fear in the face and seeing it as unreal—always destroys any power that fear tries to have.
Once I was at the facility, I had one goal: to be free of the fear that if I moved wrongly I'd be paralyzed or die. It's fair to say that at the time my "confidence" was that I could overcome my fears, not that I had yet done so. While a loving Christian Science practitioner supported me through prayer, and equally loving Christian Science nurses provided care, I spent nearly every conscious moment thinking and praying about one verse from Isaiah: "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness" (41:10).
"Fear thou not" was the gentle, loving voice of my beloved Parent whispering, "Hush now. There is nothing to be afraid of. I am here. All is well." It was His bold promise to me, "There is nothing to fear because I am all-powerful." I was being commanded, "Stop fearing. Stop believing in anything but Me." "I will uphold thee" informed me that bones and muscles don't make up my structure. Rather, my structure is made of spiritual qualities that reflect Truth and Love. "I am thy God" told me that whatever needed doing, He had already done. Supposed material conditions in no way defined, restricted, or imposed on my God-supported actions. I was not a poor mortal who had been completely fine one moment, completely helpless the next. I knew that God's view of me was the only one with any significance. So I looked only to God to find inspiration for what I should do each moment.
Based on the reality of who God is and therefore who I am, my fears began to disappear, and I moved around more and more. Within ten days of arriving at the facility, I walked out to the car and my husband drove me home. I continued to make rapid, prayerful progress, and was totally free within a few weeks.
Science and Health says, "Mentally insist that harmony is the fact ..." (p. 412). Taking that to heart, I know that I can insist—absolutely, moment by moment insist—that I am fearless and free, whole and well, because this is the reality of being for each one of us. Knowing that we are untouched by anything but God's infinite greatness, allows us to be confident of complete healing, because God is our "primitive and ultimate source" (Science and Health, p. 63). To me this means that God is where we came from, where we are, and where we will always be.
Right in the midst of what appears to be a dreadful experience, right where fear seems foremost—right there is the reality of our oneness with God. No matter how potent fear seems, or how firmly entrenched it is in our human sense of what is "real," it is in fact, nothing. God's allness leaves no room for anything ungodlike.
There is nothing higher or safer than the God-centered understanding that allows us to take each step in our lives fearlessly forward. To step into each moment with confidence, clarity, and freedom.
