Losing–and finding–faith

I found Christian Science when I was 18 years old, but the journey to finding my faith was a long and emotional process. I grew up with a vague understanding of God; I knew that He was good, that He was always watching, and thought that if I misbehaved too much I wouldn’t get into heaven. But because my family didn’t attend any particular church (aside from holiday services at two different local churches), and because I was not brought up in a Sunday School, my knowledge of God became generalized. So I put God on the back burner, only thinking of Him when I was lonely or fearful. 

Some nights I would stare at the picture of Jesus my mother had hung in my room and tell him about my day, or how I was scared of an unknown thing I thought might be lurking in my closet. I would feel soothed, a comfort typically brought on by a parent, but when the day approached all was forgotten. Still, I believed in God. 

When I was eight, my mother allowed me to have sleepovers at my best friend Amy’s house. A friend since kindergarten, she and I would spend almost every waking hour together. One Sunday morning at her house I was surprised to be woken up early and told that we would be going to Sunday School at her church. As we walked up to the tiny grey building, I saw the words “First Church of Christ, Scientist,” and thought how odd it was to see the word Scientist there. Did they believe only in science? We went into a room where other children our age were sitting, and began to listen to the Sunday School teacher. I remember she spoke with such kindness, and on a level we could understand. But I had a lot of questions, and I kept them bundled up. I thought, My mom will know what Christian Science is.