As someone who has consistently set high bars for achievement and worked tirelessly to reach certain goals, I’ve been grateful to have found success in various professional, athletic, and personal pursuits. But a sense of accomplishment has often been short-lived and accompanied by a nagging sense of “not quite good enough.”
While Christian Science has deepened my understanding of my identity, helping me see that the talents and abilities we have are what God gives us through our reflection of Him, I would sometimes succumb to the temptation to take personal credit for my achievements. The result was that I often felt intense personal pressure to excel, do more, and take responsibility for fixing relationship issues with others.
This pressure led to occasional bouts of anxiety. In April of last year, as my husband and I were preparing to travel internationally for a wedding and a much-anticipated trip to the Holy Land, the anxiety seemed especially aggressive. When it did not quickly yield after praying on my own, I called a Christian Science practitioner for treatment.
The practitioner and I kept our prayers centered on the fact that I didn’t have a personal, anxiety-prone mind of my own but rather reflected the peaceful, undisturbable “mind of Christ” (I Corinthians 2:16). I prayed diligently to understand that I express this one infinite Mind, or God, and to renounce a personal sense of self, separate from God.
Addressing the importance of rejecting a material sense of self, Mary Baker Eddy writes: “Self-renunciation of all that constitutes a so-called material man, and the acknowledgment and achievement of his spiritual identity as the child of God, is Science that opens the very flood-gates of heaven; whence good flows into every avenue of being, cleansing mortals of all uncleanness, destroying all suffering, and demonstrating the true image and likeness” (Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, p. 185).
That phrase “demonstrating the true image and likeness” caught my attention. This is the answer to mortal mind’s self-absorbed question, “Why should I strive for high levels of achievement, only to give all the glory to God?” Because glorifying God is what we are created to do! It’s why we’re here! This is the forever purpose of God’s image and likeness, the way to lasting satisfaction and joy. Doing anything less—seeking or demanding a personal sense of glory—diminishes our true purpose. Why would we want to do that?
As prayer continued, I realized that I needed to understand more clearly that man doesn’t have two experiences or identities—one divine and one human. Man’s one experience is spiritual, divine—now and each moment. Our Leader’s statement, “The one Ego, the one Mind or Spirit called God, is infinite individuality, which supplies all form and comeliness and which reflects reality and divinity in individual spiritual man and things” (Mary Baker Eddy, Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, p. 281), confirms that my individuality is, in truth, a manifestation of the one infinite God, Mind.
The practitioner and I talked about giving God all the verbs in my experience; that is, acknowledging that the divine Mind—not the human mind or ego—is the source of all right activity. I could yield to the omnipresence and omnipotence of this one divine Mind by turning thought away from the human self, toward God, and following His leading. This required continued humility and spiritual discipline, especially when the challenging symptoms seemed to intensify. Sleeping became difficult. It was harder to accomplish daily tasks that needed to be done. At times it felt like a nightmare.
One day as I was singing hymns from the Christian Science Hymnal, the following phrase from Hymn 148 came to thought: “My Shepherd is beside me, / And nothing can I lack” (Anna L. Waring, alt.). This arrested me. I reasoned, “This beautiful hymn states that I can lack nothing. Why? Because my Shepherd—God, ever-present and omnipotent Love—is beside me. Here and now.”
I decided to accept this spiritual fact. I took each lie of the material senses that was arguing for acceptance—that I lacked health, peace, dominion, clarity of thought—and beat it down by understanding its unreality and powerlessness. I knew that my Shepherd was with me, empowering me to do this. I could feel the resulting spiritual strength and clarity.
The following week, when my husband and I went overseas to our friend’s wedding, I stood my ground with these spiritual ideas. One morning I felt so mentally paralyzed that I was unable to get out of bed. We were scheduled to check out of our hotel that morning and drive several hours to another city. I called the practitioner in the middle of her night. After assuring me of my God-based and God-sustained freedom, she instructed me to get up, start packing, and call her back in ten minutes. I didn’t think I could do this. But I’d come to understand the essential role, in our spiritual growth, of obedience to the demand that we act on the spiritual truths we know. And so I got up.
Leaning on divine Love’s ever-present power and grace, I packed my suitcase. I also set my cellphone timer for ten minutes, when I planned to call the practitioner back.
Just before the timer went off, a clear, strong message came to me that mortal mind’s imposition of a personal, “Celia-centered” sense of identity was the nightmare. And I could leave it—now! I knew this was an angel message from God, a divine demand to awaken from the dream of the material senses, the belief that we have an identity separate from God.
That was it. I knew I was healed. The miserable sense of angst and helplessness lifted. Complete mental freedom came within a couple of days and continues to this day.
The spiritual discipline of renouncing a personal sense of identity in the light of my real nature as God’s loved likeness requires daily alertness. But the blessings of this work—a greater sense of peace and dominion, plus the joy of glorifying God with every thought and activity—are the most desirable goal and the highest achievement one can ever aspire to.
Celia Herron Waters
Bellevue, Washington, US
