The radical statement in our wonderful text-book, "Health is not a condition of matter, but of Mind; nor can the material senses bear reliable testimony on this subject" (Science and Health, p. 120), has proved itself incontrovertible to me. When I first came into Science, over seven years ago, I was suffering from a strangely obstinate malady of over twenty years standing. It was, as I now see, an educated belief, resulting from a dear mother's experience. I stood by her in the final unspeakable suffering its fear caused, as knowing no better way, she succumbed to the end of all mortality. The accompanying physical and mental conditions were so heartrending that I resolved no child of mine should ever pass through the same for me. The last tender ministry rendered, I turned to see what there might possibly be in surgery to relieve my own state of distress, before the sense of old age should leave me to the mercy of others who did not understand. The trouble was one which, though undoubtedly the result of temperamental and mental conditions, had never been so diagnosed by any physician, their training being in an opposite direction. Drugs had long since lost whatever virtue they seemed to possess, and their unfailing reaction, whenever persistently used, only intensified the original trouble. The mechanical means resorted to had also its attendant dangers when long continued, and the inconvenience and slavery of depending upon it nearly drove me wild, but the suffering when it was intermitted was still worse.
In spite of my mother's sad experience, I remained blind to the fallacy of human inconsistency, and put myself, shortly after, in the hands of an eminent surgeon, who felt sure that my remedy lay in an operation. That failed in so signal a manner that the result was alarming, and in great haste, while I was still racked with the dreadful struggle it had entailed, the surgeon put me on the operating-table again in nine days. This left me exhausted, without accomplishing the desired end, and I had a year's invalidism to work out of as the physical cost of my bitter experiment. It, however, emphasized the great fact to me that there was no human power to destroy the ills of the flesh; yet, while casting myself upon God's mercy and so stilling despair, I had to wait for the revelation of Christian Science to realize what that mercy held for mankind, and how it worked in partnership with a spiritualized, enlightened understanding.
As the light of this great truth gradually dawned upon my consciousness, I at first but tremblingly turned its rays upon my own need. Others gave me help, for which I owe them most loving gratitude; but I found that the real work was my individual problem, to be solved with God alone as my helper. It was not until I reached the point of relinquishing, come what would, the daily use of material means, which had become second nature to me after twenty years dependence, that I approached emancipation. That endeavor had already been made tentatively, a week at a time, while under treatment, but without reaching the result. It required the courage of a high conviction to burn the apparently necessary bridges behind me, if I were to go forward. It finally became clear to me that the work must be done from within, and not from without. Looking the latter way had originated and established the error; its remedy lay in the opposite direction.
