I feel that I must try to express part of the gratitude I feel for what Christian Science has done for me, in the hope that someone who is wandering in the darkness of mortal belief may be guided thereby to the same light.
I was brought up in a very religious home; but it was not until severe troubles, domestic and financial, came upon me, breaking up my home and shattering my health, that I really turned Godward, resolved to find some power that could heal and save both myself and other sufferers. I first became a student of oriental religions and, later, of the philosophy of new-thought; but after years of seeking, I realized that more promise than performance was there. Then I turned back to the church, feeling that here, at least, was faithfulness to Christianity, in which healing is so distinctly implied. I became a writer of magazine and newspaper articles and of books on Christian healing within the church, and gave public lectures in churches and theological seminaries on this subject. I stated publicly many times that while Christian Science could heal, it did so at too great cost, as healing could be done without taking the extreme position of disbelief in matter, which separates one from humanity. In this view I was sincere; and while I met many obstacles and some persecution for stating that sickness, sin, and death were not according to the will of God, on the whole this message was welcome.
I might have gone on longer in this way had it not been for my own growing sense that the cures effected through my prayers and those of the groups which were formed, were not in accordance with any law, but were the result of some psychic action. They were slow, not to be depended on, and exhausted the worker. Moreover, no radical change of character resulted from them. I noticed that other groups formed by workers in this field dwindled and lost vitality as time went on. I could not practice what I preached, became exhausted by overwork and financial worry, and gave up my work. Feeling forsaken by God, I fell into a state of despair and ill health.
