I grew up in an environment of modern Protestantism, which gave me a cold and materialistic concept of the supernatural. My point of view was that of course miracles could not occur; for the rest I lived in pleasant circumstances, since our family was happy and prosperous. Nevertheless, I often had an oppressive sense of uncertainty and helplessness about myself and life in general. I tried to overcome this by learning to examine things critically, and thus to understand them.
Periods of weakness, great weariness, and unhappiness, which brought an endless train of complaints and illness, were experienced. The more critical I became, and the more I learned to discriminate, the worse my health grew, and I became more and more melancholy and seemed totally unequal to life's demands. I tried everything in the way of doctors and healing systems, but if I got relief it never lasted long, and I soon found myself in the old condition. The doctors did not say much, but they hinted at a mental cause for my trouble. When I felt ill and weary the thought would come to me: I am not really sick, I have no disease; it is something mental; I must take some spiritual stride forward to get out of this condition. But how to set about it no one could tell me.
A feeling of being lost and of inward numbness growing almost unbearable, I saw that if I wanted to live I must seek God. But I could not find Him. I owe much to a doctor who, with the greatest devotion, helped me to find the root of my distress and opened my thought to the healing which later on was found in Christian Science. Several friends tried to help me. At last I thought that the help which I needed, and which none of my friends seemed able to give me, might perhaps come from a Christian Science practitioner, for I had noticed that Scientists were able to help people; and I was not mistaken.
