During the depression years, as I was growing up, lack was a common problem of the world and fully accepted by most people; but I noticed that Christian Scientists escaped this problem to a marked degree, so I vowed I would study Christian Science thoroughly and thus gain the material pleasures of this life which I so desired and which had always been denied me. The Bible records the words of Christ Jesus (Matt. 6:33), "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Very mistakenly I considered studying the letter of Christian Science as seeking "first the kingdom of God," and so I fully expected healings to drop into my lap with very little effort and practical application on my part.
With the help of Christian Science practitioners, many healings both of disease and sinful character traits were accomplished, but these healings were usually very protracted. I resented having to strive so hard to accomplish them, and my thoughts were filled with envy, jealousy, coveting, and a false sense of competition toward other Christian Scientists who were steadily making spiritual progress. Personal ambition to use the study of Christian Science to gain the things that are added continued to dominate my life. All the practitioners who helped me kept reminding me of Jesus' words quoted above, but their spiritual meaning continued to be a mystery for many years.
Mrs. Eddy states in Science and Health (p. 138), "It is easier for Christianity to cast out sickness than sin, for the sick are more willing to part with pain than are sinners to give up the sinful, so-called pleasure of the senses." As a result of sin-filled thinking, my life continued to go from bad to worse.
