When Peter voiced unselfish commitment to Christ Jesus at the Last Supper, he expressed a spirit of deep loyalty: "I am ready to go with thee . . . to death." Luke 22:33; Similar in tone, marriage vows that pledge enduring love hint at a higher basis for the relationship than the merely personal.
Jesus had taken Peter for the purpose of teaching him how to help others, and the disciple had not balked when rebuked by Jesus. Peter was a learner. He had been privileged to see what appears to have been the whole of Jesus' career as a healer and had been included in Jesus' public and private teachings. Probably only James and John had been so close to Jesus. It was not, therefore, unnatural for him to respond with such loyalty to his friend and Master.
Yet when Jesus heard Peter's vow, he said Peter would deny him before the cock crowed. Sure enough, Peter was soon saying, "I know him [Jesus] not . . . I am not [a disciple] . . . I know not what thou sayest." "And," the account continues, "immediately, while he yet spake, the cock crew." vv. 57, 58, 60;
Peter broke his promise. Should we therefore infer that his years with Jesus had not been strengthening? Luke tells us: "Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And Peter went out, and wept bitterly." vv. 61,62;
Perhaps he wept because he looked at himself—unequivocally loyal on the one hand, totally alien on the other. Was he perhaps looking at the distance that lay between "I am ready to go with thee . . ." and "I know him not"? Peter wept out of his integrity.
Integrity is the purest part of honesty. It was honest for Peter to see the difference between "I am ready to go with thee . . ." and "I know him not." But his integrity went further. Integrity meant that about the difference he was willing to be sad. For that difference he was willing to hold himself accountable. To assume responsibility. Where was his self-justification? He wept.
Mrs. Eddy writes, "Marriage is the legal and moral provision for generation among human kind." Science and Health, p. 56; God's law is lived in what we call moral behavior. Honesty and integrity are moral qualities. Christian Science shows that practicing moral law is the only sure way we can keep consistently conscious of the presence of God in our marriage. Are we expressing Him through honesty and integrity?
Facing predicaments in our marriage, are we like Peter? Is there a difference between what we say and what we then do? Do we dare notice? Will we assume responsibility?
Do we say we love God and then become antagonistic in our attitude or conversation? Do we say we want to be understanding of others, only to find ourselves annoyed by them? Do we say we want to love our spouse and children more and then badger them? Questioning ourselves in these ways, we probe our honesty.
Noticing shortcomings only in our spouse suggests self-examination in our own case is unnecessary—a point Christian Science emphatically denies. Yet even when the weight of evidence does show our spouse wrong, isn't this our opportunity to identify ourselves correctly as God's offspring? Then we'll act with integrity and wisdom.
What effect did Peter's integrity have on his life? Heightened, forgiving love. Consider the forgiveness he needed to give himself in order to go on!
Had Jesus foreseen Peter's conversion—his steps from commitment to denial to integrity to heightened love? Jesus had said to Peter, "When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren." Luke 22:32; Might we have a like influence on our spouse?
Peter's integrity brought him to where he could say to Jesus with credibility, "Thou knowest that I love thee." John 21:15; Who of us would not like to be able to say and hear this in our marriage?
It was because Peter had taken the path of honest self-viewing, heightening as it did his love, that he could tell the lame man to walk. Peter now had forgiving, purified love to give. This healed. Honesty over his failure had helped to bring him all the way to healing with pure love.
God is Principle, Love. What He creates has the qualities of Himself. Therefore, man expresses truth and love. Knowing this, we can erase the blemish of dishonesty, hate, or failure. For each of us, however, the spiritual facts of man lie in the realm of words until we respond to what they imply. Peter's life is a picture of his willingness to respond. To work. Decisions for honesty are required of each of us if we are to make believable our God-relatedness.
How do I know if in my marriage there's a difference between what I say and do? Perhaps we could answer this by our view of Peter.
Who is he? Is he the one who temporarily walked on the water or the one who cried out to Jesus to save him? Did he openly recognize Jesus as the Son of God or did he want to strike out at Jesus' enemies and then run away from them? Was he a witness to the transfiguration or did he fall asleep?
He was all of these. If we select for instruction only Peter's achievements, we may tend to choose from the teachings of Christian Science only those parts that least raise a view of our shortcomings.
What's honest enough in us to identify with sinking, falling asleep, or wanting to fight and run is the kind of integrity that responds to even the most demanding teachings of Christian Science—including the ones that force us to face up to beliefs of failure. Discussing this necessity of self-knowledge in connection with one's ability to heal others, Mrs. Eddy writes, "Learn what in thine own mentality is unlike 'the anointed,' and cast it out; then thou wilt discern the error in thy patient's mind that makes his body sick, and remove it, and rest like the dove from the deluge." Miscellaneous Writings, p. 355
Perhaps Peter's example is encouragement for us to look with integrity at our own part in our marriage. The effect? Mrs. Eddy writes, "Honesty and virtue ensure the stability of the marriage covenant." Science and Health, p. 64.
