Is there a way to save a failing marriage? Yes, there is! Let me share with you how my marriage was restored by the application of Christian Science.
When Sam and I got married, each thought the other was "the greatest." We were really in love. However, after a few years and three children things had deteriorated to the point where neither of us could do or say anything that pleased the other. We argued over just about everything. We both were class-taught students of Christian Science by this time, too.
One day I realized I was considering divorce. All my life I had been taught that the scientific application of Christianity can heal any problem, so I decided to make a real effort to deepen my understanding of the spiritual facts relative to the situation.
I called a Christian Science practitioner and told her everything that Sam was doing wrong—a long list. I believed that the problem was outside myself— that it was all my husband's fault. But Sam will tell you he had quite a list, too!
The practitioner listened quietly and then said: "I can't pray for Sam; he hasn't called for help. But I can pray for you." Well, I didn't think I was the one who needed the help, but I was desperate and willing to try.
The healing wasn't instantaneous; it took four or five months. It was a lot like a sunrise—gentle, gradual. Much persistent, vigorous prayer and discipline of thought were needed. Bit by bit I stopped judging Sam and focused instead on my own spiritual identity.
Gradually the recognition of my spiritual perfection as the reflection of the one perfect God deepened. I had to see myself as complete, and I had to defend this true idea of myself. Mrs. Eddy writes in the Manual of The Mother Church, "Teachers shall instruct their pupils how to defend themselves against mental malpractice, never to return evil for evil, but to know the truth that makes free, and thus to be a law, not unto others, but to themselves." Man., Art. XXVI, Sect. 3; I began to see that this work was the most important activity of my day.
Daily prayer for yourself helps you become so aware of what is true of God and man that you can quickly detect the material concepts counterfeiting the spiritual. What isn't true in your thought pops right up so you can recognize and destroy it. In my case the false beliefs exposed were many, including the belief that I was a mortal dependent upon another mortal for my happiness, supply, and love. As I realized more fully that I was spiritual and that God was the source of all my good, I was able to reject the belief that a person could take happiness from me.
Steadfastly I affirmed that good in every form came to me from God. As His child I was already perfect, complete, and cared for. "We are his people, and the sheep of his pasture," Ps. 100:3. as the Psalmist says. I saw that giving up the belief that one is dependent upon others for good doesn't destroy the marriage relationship but strengthens it, placing it on a more spiritual basis—dependence on God.
As I began to love my spiritual identity, my thoughts, attitudes, and actions started to change. I found myself gradually lifted out of a false sense of personality with its self-justification, which is at the root of many relationship problems. I recognized that because I was actually God's perfect child, there wasn't anything in me but Christliness, which, when lived, would help bring out Sam's true, Christly nature. I also saw there really wasn't anything but Christliness in him for me to respond to. I struggled to hold on to these truths when I was being criticized. I refused to retaliate verbally, for I realized that to become involved in human-level thinking and criticism would be to deny the Christ as the real nature of us both. The more I loved my own spiritual identity, the more I wanted to love his.
A simple analogy showed me how to do this. When an insect lands on someone's shoulder, you don't criticize the person or angrily clobber him but merely pick the insect off, because you know it is no part of him. I saw that criticism was no part of Sam as the perfect child of God, so I could simply brush it off my thought of him instead of verbally or mentally beating him. I could love his Christly consciousness. And I did.
By this time increasing harmony was being established between us. Because the attitudes in me that caused him to strike out were changing, so were his responses. I persisted in prayer, and soon the healing was complete. Today I can't even remember the points of disagreement between us, and Sam can't either.
Our boat has been rocked a few times since, but now we know what to do. Recognizing that error would like to obscure our spiritual identities by getting us to acknowledge something less than the Christly nature of each other, we challenge those lies quickly. Only God can tell us about our real selfhood.
All of us can learn to view those times when we're tempted to criticize others as times to pray for ourselves to make sure that we are seeing only the man God has made. Regardless of the human picture, we can see man held in God's perfection, reflecting the infinite, divine consciousness. Our motive as we pray is not to change the other person but to make certain that we ourselves are entertaining the Christ, the spiritual idea of God, as presented by Christ Jesus.
When we earnestly apply Christianly scientific rules to marriage, wonderful things happen. Difficulties dissolve, and harmony prevails.
