Throughout much of my adult life, I seemed to be faced with the stress of financial lack. As a single mother much of the time, I struggled with what turned out to be futile attempts at being self-supporting. Despite often working more than one job, I wasn’t able to recover from gaps in income due to multiple job instabilities, layoffs, or businesses failing. And despite my skills, talents, and education, I wasn’t able to settle into a rooted career.
At one point, I began studying Christian Science and worked on and off for a number of years with several Christian Science practitioners. I seemed to be slowly learning at some level that supply was actually spiritual—coming from God—and that it does, and would, take practical forms through ideas from divine Love. I saw this in practical gifts from dear friends, but continued to face financial instability and overwhelming bills.
Then a practitioner I was calling for the first time amazed me by saying, “If you had a million dollars in the bank, what would you do?” I answered, “I don’t know.” He immediately responded, “Well, you would go claim it!” I presumed he was referring to God’s abundant and ever-present spiritual supply, and our inherent right to individually claim it as God’s children, which I still felt I was failing to do practically.
The reason his metaphor, or intuitive remark, took me by surprise was that in actuality there was a family trust—though not a million-dollar one—which had been in existence for more than 25 years since my father’s passing. I had once attempted to “claim” assistance and had received a one-time amount for a bill, and was clearly told not to ask for anything again. Although the wording of the trust clearly stated in common legal language that it was for the comfort, maintenance, and support of family members—particularly the mothers—it appeared the trust terms were not really being honored. Because of geographical distance and no money, I had been unable to pursue it legally.
I continued working periodically with this practitioner on this problem, never mentioning the trust. Thinking about it only brought to the surface its unavailability for me and a long history of hopelessness, shame, pain, hurt, and lack of healthy, constructive communication among family members. The trust had, for me, long been considered basically nonexistent.
I managed to survive. Sometimes a friend would help me out at the last minute when I needed cash—for example, give me a gift certificate, or drop by with food. These expressions of love were a confirmation for me of God’s supply. But still, I continued to feel like a victim of monetary lack rather than experiencing and expressing financial independence.
Finally, I reached a point with increasing credit card debt needed for basic needs, with no savings, no job, insufficient income from Social Security on which to live, and no help from family members. I felt I could no longer continue attempting to go up what I felt was a down escalator.
It was at this point when a breakthrough moment occurred—a complete surrender to trusting in God fully. Perhaps it was a little like Moses picking up the serpent, which became a rod to lean on (see Exodus 4:2–4), or the man by the pool of Bethesda who, when Jesus commanded that he pick up his bed of victimization, was healed and walked (see John 5:1–9). Fear of the threatening material pictures—in my case, of declaring bankruptcy, becoming homeless, or living in my car—lost power in my thought and was replaced by a peaceful strength of wholehearted trust in God. It wasn’t defeat, but rather a strong, solid sense of freedom, knowing that I would be all right no matter what. What followed felt, to me, like a miracle, which, as Mary Baker Eddy states in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, is something that is “divinely natural, but must be learned humanly” (p. 591).
To this day I really don’t know the explanation for what took place. But after more than 35 years, the trust was moved to another bank by the trustee. Following this change in banks, I matter-of-factly shared in a conversation with a relative the possibility of declaring bankruptcy because it had become impossible to pay all of my monthly bills or debt.
Much to my surprise, this relative spoke to my brother, who then fought very hard to have the trust and trustee assist me. With their help and another relative’s, I wrote a brief letter requesting assistance. With no effort on my part other than to keep the faith, follow their advice, and stay out of the way, more than I ever expected fell into place.
In about a month, the new bank and the trustee read and interpreted the trust correctly, paid all my debts, and gave me a small monthly stipend. Then a dear friend who had helped me from time to time passed on and left me an unexpected inheritance.
More than ten years have now passed, and today I find it difficult to even identify with that struggling person or the experience. Yet I struggled for a while with the nature of this solution. When I first received the regular stipend from the trust, I felt it was because I was a failure, and there was shame along with the gratitude and relief. Over the years, I have realized that I am receiving this because of my divine Father’s, God’s, love expressed by my biological father’s highest sense of love in setting up this trust. Self-condemnation, embarrassment, and shame on my part have now disappeared. I feel blessed as a child of my eternal Father and grateful for my human parent’s care.
I also feel that those earlier years of struggle have blessed me with the freedom of needs that are voluntarily small and an appreciation for a simple, economical life. Daily I gratefully work to claim and express more of my spiritual identity and inheritance as a child of God.
I’m deeply grateful for the love and assistance of the dear family members who played such a big part in practically opening the door for this continuing blessing. This experience has brought transformations in my own attitude and in theirs. Each individual involved appears to have been blessed with a strong sense of assisting in carrying out what is right and becoming more loving and less judgmental, leading us to feel more united as a family.
I’m also so very grateful to be a student of Christian Science and so grateful for the work of the sincere, insightful, and dedicated Christian Science practitioners—particularly the one who was so clear about claiming our trust in God’s abundance. The love and insights of those loving individuals continue to bless me to this day.
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