Fellow-citizens! We congratulate you upon a larger scale than is general, yea, upon the fifty-eight hundredth independence of several nothings, among whom are quadruped, biped, pig-head, monkey and the rest of mankind. We also enter our bill of complaint against several more nothings, which are gastritis, enteritis, spino-meningitis and drinking grog gratis. How do you like my oration? [Three cheers, and cries of "Go on."] Fellow citizens! I hail with lachrymal laughter this abundant day and your Dollyvarden table, that ought to groan because it can't rap under the metaphysical avoirdupois of so many nothings. I congratulate you on this green oasis in the desert of life, whereby and wherein, after a greener desert, you can enter your metaphysical protest against dining on animal corpses, and cannibalism in general, whereunto metaphysicians are not specially called; therefore and in consequence thereof you can leave these picturesque viands without collapsing into the first stages of decomposition from lack of pulverization.—
Articles
Metaphysical Scientists' Fourth of July Oration
From the August 1884 issue of The Christian Science Journal
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