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Metaphysical Scientists' Fourth of July Oration

From the August 1884 issue of The Christian Science Journal

Fellow-citizens! We congratulate you upon a larger scale than is general, yea, upon the fifty-eight hundredth independence of several nothings, among whom are quadruped, biped, pig-head, monkey and the rest of mankind. We also enter our bill of complaint against several more nothings, which are gastritis, enteritis, spino-meningitis and drinking grog gratis.