From my earliest recollection I was considered not a strong child and of a very sensitive nature. My early schooldays were interrupted by periods of illness, and I grew to young womanhood cumbered by various beliefs of disease, as a part of my inheritance. Kind parents did all that could be done within the resources of medical methods of treatment, hygiene, etc., to alleviate and cure. There were intervals when health seemed fairly well established; but regular attendance at school, unusual exertion, sudden changes, or winter weather were sufficient to bring on one or more of the ills to which I was subject.
Longing to lead a useful life, teaching was the occupation I desired to follow, and I struggled on, preparing for this work, notwithstanding physical hindrances. That I might study at an academy, I left home for a season; the new environment proving beneficial in so far that I was able to teach during the next two years. With the future brightening before me, I then entered a Normal School for further preparation as a teacher.
During all these years I had a great unsatisfied yearning to know the real meaning of life; and at school I was led to consider seriously motives and aims, which caused me to feel keenly the lack of a sure foundation upon which to base my life-work. But no satisfying conception of God and no solution of the problem of life could I find in the doctrines of the churches, and other theories investigated failed to meet my need.
It was a sore trial that I could not conscientiously, like many of my friends, affiliate with some church and lead a happy and peaceful religious life. Finally I gave up the expectation of ever becoming a Christian, in the accepted sense of that term, and tried to be resigned to whatever of good or ill the controlling power of the universe might ordain, but oh, how hard life often seemed!
The mental dis-ease and close application to study undermined my health to such an extent that just before the close of my first year I was advised to leave school and go to a hospital for treatment. Becoming an inmate of the hospital seemed to be the climax of ray misery, but after an operation and weeks of illness I was able to go home. The health hoped for did not appear, and although endeavoring outwardly to keep cheerful I was in despair. Finally it was decided that I should go to a celebrated sanatorium in the state of New York, and March, 1890, found me a patient there. I shall not forget the kindness of my physicians and the many helpful features of life in that place, where I slowly improved. But the old unrest still needed cure, and I was continually seeking to solve the problem of life.
One evening I was invited to call upon a lady whom I often saw, and who seemed to me very beautiful, because she always appeared so happy, and her face reflected so much brightness and love. In her presence, that evening, a new world was opened to me, for she, a student of Christian Science, told me of "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures" which she lovingly assured me would answer all my questions. Nor was I disappointed, for it was soon my privilege to own a copy of the Christian Science text-book. Words fail to express the joy experienced as I studied and found a satisfying explanation of the Creator and Creation. The chapter on "Prayer" I read first, and it was a healing balm to my troubled soul (sense). The spiritual awakening has been gradual and, in gaining the understanding of how to work out my salvation, there have been many dark hours; but I can now understand how divine Love has been leading me, through sorrowful experience, out of the belief of life in matter to the consciousness of Life in God. "The sharp experiences of belief in the supposititious life of matter, as well as our disappointments and ceaseless woes, turn us, like tired children, to the arms of divine Love. Then we begin to learn Life, in Divine Science" (Science and Health, p. 218).
As yet, old claims have not wholly disappeared, but health unknown before is established; and every day I have occasion to be thankful for the inspiration and strength supplied through the understanding of Christian Science.
It has made it possible for me to be instrumental in doing some little good to others in time of need, and also enabled me to pass through trials which, in the old thought, would have caused utter despair.
With the Bible and Science and Health for daily companions, and the valuable helps in our other Christian Science literature. I can work and wait for the full appearing of Truth.
"Beloved, now are we the suns of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is."
To our revered Leader and Mother, to the efficient and faithful workers in responsible positions, in behalf of our Cause, and to the loyal co-laborers everywhere, I am unspeakably grateful.
Orange, Mass.
