I did not come into Christian Science for physical healing, but because I had always been searching for a demonstrable understanding of God. The teachings of the church in which I had been brought up did not appeal to me as I was not of a religious turn of mind, in the ordinarily accepted sense of the term; but beauty in nature, in music, in poetry, always seemed to point to a great invisible Something from whence that beauty emanated, and which I felt must be God, although it seemed impossible to apprehend or grasp it in any way. As time went on, a friend took up the study of Christian Science, and I soon noticed such a wonderful transformation of character taking place that I realized that a teaching which could produce such results must be the truth.
This has indeed proved to be the case. Christian Science has helped me in every way, physically and otherwise. The knowledge of God and of man's relation to Him, gained through the study of "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures" by Mrs. Eddy, overcame a condition of extreme, morbid shyness, which had very much troubled me all my life, and replaced it by the consciousness of the one Father-Mother Mind, and of all men as brethren, governed by that Mind. The unreality of a critical and callous disposition as being any part of the God-idea has been proved through the daily endeavor to obey the demand given in Matthew. "First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." I have often found great courage, when wrestling with these seemingly ingrained temperamental errors of character, in Mrs. Eddy's words on page 100 of "Miscellaneous Writings": "Love's labors are not lost. The five personal senses, that grasp neither the meaning nor the magnitude of self-abnegation, may lose sight thereof; but Science voices unselfish love, unfolds infinite good, leads on irresistible forces, and will finally show the fruits of Love."
The experience for which I am most grateful, and which I give as it may help some one who is faced with a similar problem, was the instantaneous healing of a very acute sense of sorrow caused by the passing on of a loved one, a sense of blankness and desolation which seemed to increase as years went by. A casual remark one day suddenly awakened me to the fact that it was really a sin to allow this sense of loneliness to continue, for according to the teachings of Christian Science I was actually breaking the First Commandment and dishonoring God if I believed that joy came from a human being and could therefore cease, instead of recognizing Principle as the source of all love and happiness, which must consequently be continuous and eternal.
