In Science and Health Mrs. Eddy, describing man's birthright, says (p. 518), "His birthright is dominion, not subjection." With deep gratitude and in the hope my experience may help assure others it is never too late to take the steps necessary to claim this birthright, I offer this testimony.
My mother became interested in Christian Science when I was quite young, and in my teens I became deeply interested myself. I was finding mathematics and the natural sciences very appealing, and now I discovered that Christian Science was even more appealing because of its logic and its application to human problems. I found my understanding very valuable in my school and college work, and later in my career as a musician.
It was easy for me to think of God, Mind, as Principle and as a help in achieving my personal goals, but I overlooked the fact that Principle is Love, the source of all good, and that this Principle must be demonstrated in loving living. Eventually personal relationship situations developed that called for an understanding I did not seem to have. I did not turn to material medicine for physical healings, but I did yield to the temptation to smoke cigarettes for comfort and easing of tension. I had been an obedient child and young woman, so this indulgence was accompanied by a deep sense of guilt. I tried many times to overcome the habit, and stopped smoking twice; but in each case, after a year or so, a repetition of the emotional circumstances associated with the original turning to tobacco for satisfaction caused me to slip back into the habit. The sense of guilt was later compounded by social drinking.
I was faithful in church attendance and the daily study of the Bible Lessons in the Christian Science Quarterly and had many fine healings. But the false appetites did not yield. I finally became acutely aware of how I had allowed myself to be deceived into assuming a character and identity that were not my own. The struggle to divest myself of this false concept of my birthright and to find my real identity began with an earnest desire for a deeper understanding of God and man than the merely intellectual approach was granting me. With the help and encouragement of a Christian Science practitioner I began to search the Bible and Mrs. Eddy's writings for a more exact comprehension of Christian Science. I was ready and eager to seek spiritualization of thought for its own sake.
My research was stimulating and more exciting than any other study I had ever undertaken. As I earnestly endeavored to find my real selfhood as God's reflection, resentments and feelings of having been "put upon" were exposed and eliminated from my thought and my experience. With increasing awareness of God's ever-presence and loving care, false traits of character disappeared, along with claustrophobia, fear of fire, and unhappy personal relationship problems. I began to realize that what I needed was not an academic approach to God but a new concept of Love and Life.
During this period of about four months I found many calls to obedience in Mrs. Eddy's writings. Among them was the one that made me determined to be a real Christian Scientist. It is in Miscellaneous Writings and reads (p. 261), "It is impossible to be a Christian Scientist without apprehending the moral law so clearly that, for conscience' sake, one will either abandon his claim to even a knowledge of this Science, or else make the claim valid." I had a deep desire to "make the claim valid" and to be free to take the necessary steps to identify myself with the Cause of Christian Science.
With the dawning realization that divine Love was ever present, and that as the expression of God's being I had all that I needed for my complete happiness and satisfaction, I was released from the feeling of subjection. During the Christmas holidays, in the midst of numerous festivities where smoking and drinking were freely indulged, the false appetites disappeared. The feeling of freedom was glorious. I was so happy to be able to say "I am a Christian Scientist" without feeling like a hypocrite. The next step was acceptance and loving welcome into branch church membership and the joy of serving in various capacities. Then came the wonderful adventure of class instruction and the desire and opportunity to help others. All of this came about within ten months and at an age when it might have been argued that it was too late in life to undertake additional activities or to attempt to learn anything new.
I am learning what it means to be born again and to become as a little child. I look forward to each day as an opportunity to learn more of God and to put into practice at once what I learn, and to share it with others. My days are filled with activity and I joy in being "about my Father's business." With every new discovery of eternal truths I am more grateful to God for the vision and dedication of Christ Jesus and for the devotion of Mrs. Eddy to the task of illuminating his teachings and making them practical.
San Rafael, California
