Whenever a new issue of the Christian Science Sentinel or the Journal arrives at our home, I first read all the testimonies of healing. From reading these testimonies, my confidence in the practicality of relying on God for healing has deepened tremendously. I hope the following will serve to help others gain deeper trust in God's healing power.
Our family includes three small children. We have experienced wonderful healings in Christian Science, including those of flu, colds, and ear and eye infections.
In the summer of 1991 I noticed that my ankles seemed slightly swollen, although I had not injured myself in any way. Within about a week, the situation had worsened; my ankles were extremely swollen and stiff, and my legs were in great pain. Movement of any kind was difficult.
I was very fearful and uncertain what to do at first. I had grown up relying on medical care, but my husband had introduced me to Christian Science. I had grown to love the teachings of this religion and had taken Primary class instruction in Christian Science. To me the teachings of Science were obviously true, so I decided to rely totally on God for healing.
I got in touch with a Christian Science practitioner who agreed to pray for me, and my husband and I also prayed. At first my prayer was sort of a panicked attempt to find "the" spiritual truth that would heal me. I soon recognized that this method of thinking involved first accepting the disease as real and then looking for a metaphysical truth to "cure" it. I knew such thought is not consistent with the fact that God is infinite good and the only creator—and that therefore anything unlike good, such as disease and pain, must be unreal, the product of false mortal belief.
I then prayed more deeply to understand that this condition was in essence an illusion, a dream of pain and distortion that was nevertheless appearing to be real. One passage from Science and Health by Mrs. Eddy was particularly helpful: "Tumors, ulcers, tubercles, inflammation, pain, deformed joints, are waking dream-shadows, dark images of mortal thought, which flee before the light of Truth." I affirmed that the Christ, Truth, could and would reveal to me my natural, healthy identity as God's spiritual child and that this would destroy false evidence of disease.
I also read this passage by Mrs. Eddy in The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany: "Lest human reason becloud spiritual understanding, say not in thy heart: Sickness is possible because one's thought and conduct do not afford a sufficient defence against it. Trust in God, and 'He shall direct thy paths.'" This passage helped me to see that my prayer should always start with God's perfection and man's reflection of His perfection, and not with the thought that disease had power to remain until I thought or prayed or acted better. My prayer was only bringing my thought into line with the fact that in my true selfhood as the spiritual idea, or image, of God, my perfection and wholeness are forever intact.
The practitioner commented at one point that striving to feel more of God's presence and love would help me. Studying and praying from an intellectual standpoint, while helpful for spiritual understanding, was not sufficient; I needed also to trust more deeply in God and to feel His presence and love for me. As I quietly prayed following this conversation, I thought of the Bible passages "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee" (Isaiah) and "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalms). The first passage was a calming promise, and the second was the instruction to me on how to achieve that calm. I needed to "be still" (mentally), trusting, knowing that God is perfect, present, and omnipotent.
I literally felt fear and tension leave me. Being still at that point meant to stop fearing I wouldn't be healed, to stop attempting to diagnose the disease, and to start more confidently listening for guidance and feeling God's presence. From that point I tried diligently to keep my thoughts "stayed" on the simple but powerful fact that God is ever present, all-powerful, and loving.
Fear of the disease, and fear that I would become unable to care for my children, disappeared through this growing spiritual understanding that God is always lovingly governing all.
After about one month, I was completely healed and resumed all normal activity, including playing tennis. This healing was a landmark for me in learning to rely radically on God. The lessons learned and the deepened trust in God that developed during this time will always be with me. Words cannot adequately express my gratitude.
San Diego, California
