Before I began studying Christian Science, I remember praying only twice. The first time, I prayed to love someone I was angry with. After I'd prayed, I was immediately healed of anger, and felt love for this person. I was amazed, because I'd never heard of prayers being answered this way.
The second time I prayed was about a family member's extremely complicated and frightening legal entanglements. I prayed the only prayer I knew, the Lord's Prayer (see Matt. 6:9–13). I prayed for days in utter despair, until finally I began thinking about what I was praying. I went over each line and thought about what it meant. When I got to "Thy will be done," I began to pay attention, because I knew I wasn't doing God's will. I realized I needed to bring my life into accord with this prayer so I could feel close to God. I thought about the kind of person I wanted to be, made a list of the qualities I wanted to stand for, and started to change. As I continued to pray, we were led step by step out of the legal problem.
At this time there was a lot being written and said about the power of positive thinking. One day I heard about redefining one's life through one's thinking. This idea came to me in an instant: "I think all the time, and I can learn to think different thoughts."
Not too long after this, our family faced a crisis, when a business partner sexually assaulted our 17-year-old daughter. Our family loved this man, and we'd considered him our best friend. He was like an uncle to my children, so my daughter felt betrayed because someone she'd loved and trusted had done this to her. I longed to console my daughter, but I was consumed by hurt, hatred, and rage. I felt our family would never get over this hurt. We found out that this man had also molested other children much younger than my daughter.
One day I found myself standing in the middle of my living room floor, wringing my hands and sobbing. I remembered how my other prayer to love someone I'd been angry with had been answered. I so much wanted these awful thoughts to stop, and to feel love, compassion, and forgiveness.
And right then, a feeling of love and peace came over me, blotting out all the confusion and anger. I felt that I was in the presence of something holy, and I wanted to hold on to it. I found myself saying, "God, I need You. I need Your help. I believe You exist, but I can't find You. I have looked for You before and You know this. If You are real and if You do exist, You will have to come to me, because I do not know how to find You."
I wanted these awful thoughts to stop, and to feel love, compassion, and forgiveness.
At that, the words "Christian Science, Christian Science" came to me loudly and clearly. "What is Christian Science and how can I find out about it?" I asked. The thought came to me to look in the telephone directory. It listed the local Christian Science Reading Room. I realized they must have a book I could study, so I went there immediately.
My conversation with the Reading Room staff gave me so much hope. They explained to me that God did not create evil—He created only good things! Good alone is real, so evil is unreal, and therefore by making God and His goodness the basis of our thinking, the effects of evil could be destroyed. The staff told me that we are really God's children, spiritual and perfect, and that we are not material at all. Our identity is the reflection of God's own nature, His pure and perfect character. God is our Parent, our Father and Mother, so we can't be unlike Him. We are God's means of expressing Himself. This was so wonderful to hear.
I got Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy, and copies of The Christian Science Journal and the Christian Science Sentinel at the Reading Room. As I studied Science and Health, many questions I had about God and the Bible were answered. My trust in the Bible was restored as I began to understand it. I read in Jeremiah 29:11, "I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." So the Bible told me that I could learn to think different thoughts! The torturous thoughts I'd had were not mine at all. They were just the beliefs that life and intelligence were material, rather than spiritual, and that evil could overcome good.
I finally understood that there is a God, that He is our Father, and that He loves us. He cared about me, and about my children! I was delighted to realize that God is loving and caring for me and my family and the whole world. He is always governing, controlling, maintaining, and cherishing His creation.
That day, I understood that creation is spiritual and perfect, like its creator. My prayers for forgiveness for this man were answered. I saw that the Godlike qualities I'd been praying to express had always been mine, because they were part of everyone's spiritual identity. And I learned that my precious daughter's spiritual identity was forever safe; it could never be defiled or hurt. Also that this man's actions were not part of his pure, spiritual self. My daughter has no emotional scars from the assault.
The knowledge of God that I gained by studying Science and Health lifted my whole family out of this torment. I felt peaceful, and was also able to help the man while he was in prison. He gave his interest in the business to my daughter, and after his release years later, he eventually moved to another state.
From these experiences, I've learned that God is with all of us all the time. He told me about Christian Science. I am convinced of that.
Interlachen, Florida
