My first healing in Christian Science was of the belief that suicide would end the misery I was feeling about the breakup of my marriage and losing my husband to someone else. It felt as if I was surrounded by a wall and unable to get out. I couldn't see a future for myself without my husband. I felt isolated, worthless, and depressed. In an attempt to end the agony, I decided I would take my own life, feeling that my children would be better off with someone else as their mother.
My neighbor and I often babysat for each other's children. On one occasion, after picking up her children from my home, she called to say she sensed something was wrong and asked if I would like her to come back to my house. I said I would, and told her what I was thinking of doing. She told me God couldn't help me more somewhere else than He could right here. I had always believed that life was eternal, but at that moment I realized that my life would not be over if I committed suicide. So it was not an answer.
My friend, a Christian Scientist, encouraged me to talk with a Christian Science practitioner, which I did. I visited him in person, and then we talked on the phone. I began to gain a sense of God's presence. I thought about God throughout the day. I also began reading the Bible, Science and Health, and other Christian Science literature.
