IT HAPPENED UNEXPECTEDLY. But this time, my failing health brought me to the point of being between life and death.
It was early in 2005, and I had just attended a funeral service for a close friend who had been sick for several years. I remembered her as she had been before her illness. She had loved singing Russian lyrical songs. She also grew beautiful indoor flowers—she was a biologist and knew how to care for them. I thought I had witnessed her struggle quite calmly. But in hindsight, probably subconsciously, the chill of fear had crept into my thought.
On my way home from the service, I felt I was suffocating. I could neither inhale nor exhale fully. With great difficulty, I made it home from the metro station.
I had been studying Christian Science for about eight years, after a friend recommended that I attend a Christian Science lecture. Before this, I had been searching for a spiritual basis for life. I had wanted to find God. After the lecture, I began to make Christian Science my own. Its teachings taught me to conquer discord of every kind—with my health, family situations, relations with colleagues. Prayer and daily reading of the Bible and Science and Health always helped me to restore harmony.
I was living with my youngest daughter and her husband. They had just had a baby, and I considered it my duty to help my daughter carry out the work of a young mother. And here I was at a point when suddenly I needed help myself. I was devoid of strength, and felt guilty that I was causing everyone trouble.
My relatives were alarmed and called an ambulance. At the hospital, the doctor gave me little encouragement and said that I should undergo a checkup. But she said she could already tell, with a high percentage of probability, that I had very little time. If I was to survive, I would need a heart operation.
My son-in-law then drove me to the cardiology center she had recommended, where the doctors issued their conclusion that an operation that involved replacing two valves and implanting a third would be needed. All of this stunned me.
In my head, I heard the doctors' verdict. But at that point I began mentally repeating "the scientific statement of being" from page 468 of Science and Health, affirming that I am spiritual and that my life is in God. I resolved to trust completely in the healing power of Christian Science.
My daughter and son-in-law were convinced that I needed the operation, and they even had begun making plans to take out a loan to pay for it. Even though they were upset when they learned that I did not want an operation, I understood their concern for me, because they have not yet put their faith in God's healing power.
I did, however, have the support of my eldest granddaughter, who has attended Christian Science church services with me since the age of ten. She was especially spiritually-minded and receptive to the power of prayer. By this time, she had turned into a young lady and a convinced Christian Scientist, who could apply the knowledge of God in a practical way. She said, "I support you. Christian Science heals. Let's pray together"—which we did.
Soon I began to feel the support of other family members, including my husband and eldest daughter, who, though she was away on a trip at the time, sent me a letter expressing her support for my desire to rely on Christian Science.
I called a Christian Science practitioner, who was also my Christian Science teacher, to ask her for help through prayer, but I had not been able to reach her. However, a friend who knew she was traveling in another country contacted a mutual friend there, who in turn communicated my need to my teacher. She called me and immediately began to pray for me. Clearly, from that moment on, the spiritual healing began.
I opened my thought to accept the flow of divine Love. As a wanderer in a desert thirsts for water, I thirsted for divine revelations. I read the Bible and Science and Health as often as I could. And I never ceased being amazed each time I rediscovered some passage in these books and noticed a new meaning, as if I had read it for the first time. This statement from Science and Health strengthened my hope: "The author never knew a patient who did not recover when the belief of the disease had gone. Remove the leading error or governing fear of this lower so-called mind, and you remove the cause of all disease as well as the morbid or excited action of any organ" (p. 377).
My fear had begun to lessen. I clearly understood that as a child of God, I was, am, and always will be, perfect and harmonious. Since we are created in the likeness of our Creator, that fact can't be altered by disease or fear. Disease cannot be real, because God never created anything contrary to Himself, and there is no power in the universe that can oppose His strength. I felt God's presence, confident in His all-knowing, all-loving embrace.
Even though my younger daughter and her husband still tried to persuade me to undergo the operation, I steadfastly refused, and insisted on my decision to stay at home.
The practitioner continued praying with me and calling me, and even though she was in another country, it was as if she was nearby. She reminded me of spiritual truths about God and my relationship to Him. I felt her love and knew it was the reflection of divine Love.
Though bedridden for several weeks, I gradually regained my strength. I knew that healing was taking place.
Within a month of the diagnosis and being informed that I needed surgery, I was able to walk to a park with my granddaughter. I had begun exchanging e-mails with the practitioner, and when I went to the park, I would take her letters with me. The ideas she shared brought me much inspiration. I also took Science and Health and sat quietly, reading this precious source of truth. I understood that the most important thing was to trust God unconditionally, and to rely on Him completely as the solution to all problems.
My joy in all I was learning helped me conquer the last vestiges of fear, and I experienced a complete healing. My heart, which the doctors had pronounced a wreck, is functioning very well. I see it now as a vessel filled with Love. I am more active and energetic than ever. When I'm walking with one of my friends, she even tells me to slow down so she can catch up.
I am now certain of our inseparability from all-knowing, omnipotent God. I am infinitely grateful to Him for His support, as I set out struggling on the journey to that understanding, and happy that His truth was manifested in me. I am grateful to Mary Baker Eddy, who managed to shape this harmonious system of Christ-healing into words comprehensible to everyone.
It has become my overwhelming desire to help others set out on their journey towards knowing Truth. I am grateful for the way this healing helped me toward fulfilling that purpose.
KHERSON, UKRAINE
