I’ve had several instantaneous healings in my experience as a Christian Scientist. This healing took slightly over twenty years—but the instant the error was identified and then handled in Christian Science, it completely dissipated!
About two decades ago, several difficult life circumstances hit me simultaneously. I felt the foundation of my faith being severely shaken. First, a dear and trusted friend passed on suddenly. Then, my branch Church of Christ, Scientist, dissolved. And after many months of prayer on my part and trying to work out the problems in our marriage, my husband decided he wanted a divorce.
I became filled with sorrow, anger, and confusion about these events. What had I done wrong? Was I being punished? What was I not seeing? I knew those thoughts were born of the erroneous belief that God can impart other than good to His creation. These negative thoughts and questions had nothing to do with the spiritual truth that bases the teachings of Christian Science, yet I couldn’t seem to grasp the truth.
I prayed sincerely for healing. For months I felt homeless without my church. I tried going to other branch churches, but nothing seemed like a right fit. So I stopped going to church altogether. Interestingly, every Sunday morning I went for a ten-mile bike ride—right past a branch church! One Sunday as I biked past, I realized how duped I had been, and I began attending services. I eventually joined the congregation and enjoyed several years at that church.
Life moved on and the kids grew up. Things were good, but I felt something inside was broken. I had help from a Christian Science practitioner and there was progress, but not lasting peace. I studied, I prayed, I was active in church and had many, many healings, but I knew that I had missed some needed insight and I just didn’t know what it was.
Then I listened to a particularly helpful “Your Daily Lift” podcast by a Christian Science lecturer, Lois Carlson, titled “Upholding God in the face of evil.” She talks about a time when she was overwhelmed by news that a dear friend of hers had passed suddenly, and says: “When traumatic experiences leave a painful impression, there’s an effective way of healing and moving forward. It is to ask God to forgive us for believing in evil.” She goes on to say: “God’s forgiveness cancels a sense of separation from goodness. We rediscover our innocence, the innocence that knows God’s ever-present care.”
Those ideas really resonated with me. I remembered so clearly how desolate I had felt when I rode by that church. Because I had prayed so fervently and my marriage hadn’t healed, I felt God had deserted me, when in fact I had deserted Him. I instantly realized that what I needed to do was ask God for forgiveness for having doubted His presence, His love, and His infallible care. God doesn’t see or cause human missteps, but His love frees us from agony over the past and allows us to move forward as reformed men and women. I also saw for the first time that the ending of my marriage had lifted me out of an inharmonious situation, and that in being on our own, both the children and I were in a better place.
I realized that “God is working His purpose out” (Arthur C. Ainger, Christian Science Hymnal, No. 82). That purpose is perfect and harmonious, and it blesses all, including my former husband. Now I was ready to let go of my will and let God’s will of blessing for all appear. I sincerely and joyously spent time in prayer acknowledging that evil could not be real, that God could not be absent, and that evil had no power to displace His children. The peace I felt was tangible. Every vestige of disappointment, hurt, and longing was lifted, and has remained so.
Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I now see that I had been under the influence of animal magnetism, a human belief in a power opposed to God, good, which could trump His power and majesty. Yet “the Lord he is God; there is none else beside him” (Deuteronomy 4:35).
Was it necessary for me to struggle so long? No. I had allowed myself, knowingly or not, to be mesmerized by a belief in the presence of evil. There was a slight temptation to wonder how my experience would have been different if I’d seen the effects of a belief in evil more clearly and quickly. But I realized that I’d lost nothing and had gained a more grounded, mature understanding and conviction of God’s love and presence. For me, the takeaway is that I realize, more clearly than ever, the absolute necessity of handling the belief in a power opposed to God, good, more consistently and thoroughly in my daily prayers for myself and the world.
Name Withheld
