When I found myself facing a divorce and the breakup of my family, the need to understand the scriptural promise “Love never fails” (I Corinthians 13:8, New King James Version) became vital to my life. I had thought that if I could somehow approximate the unfailing love of God, I could fix my marriage and get back to the way things were before so much unhappiness had found a place in our family. But what I failed to understand was that discord in my marriage wasn’t the problem; it was only the symptom. My idea of love was very flawed; I had a very selfish, transactional sense of love that had nothing to do with the selfless, unchanging love that never fails, which I knew from studying Christian Science was true love—the love we reflect from God.
Letting go of the false, personal sense of love that I had held on to for so long was at times a struggle. I experienced deep depression and moments when it seemed that the only way to end the pain of the divorce was to end my life. I remember a point when I fully intended to do so. But as I was about to carry out my plan, I heard a voice, almost as clearly as though someone were speaking to me, say, “You are making a god out of her (my former wife).” This thought stopped me cold.
As a committed Christian, I realized I was breaking the First Commandment, to have no other gods but the one God. I also realized how much power over my life I was giving another human being. One other time I was tempted to end my life, but my love for my children and knowing how much this would hurt them stopped me.
During this period of mental darkness, a Christian Science practitioner was praying for me and guiding me spiritually. It is clear to me that her work was effective because I had been spared from taking my life. Something she said to me—that I should magnify the good in each day—helped me begin to climb out of the darkness.
I again found myself asking God what the love that never fails is. This time I wasn’t seeking to save a failed marriage. I was asking because I wanted to know. The first answer I got was that genuine love must be expressed unselfishly. It could be as simple as wishing someone good morning or telling a joke to make them laugh. Whatever it was, it had to be done for them, not to get something from them. This simple thought put me on a path that made my life much better, much happier, and demonstrated the truth of Mary Baker Eddy’s statement in the Christian Science textbook, “Whatever holds human thought in line with unselfed love, receives directly the divine power” (Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, p. 192).
Endeavoring to bring joy to others pulled me out of the deep depression. My daily experience started to change; people at work seemed glad to see me and were friendly in ways they had never been before. Each day brought more good that could be magnified.
Another answer that came to me is that there is a right way to love everyone. In fact, there is only one way, and that is to treat others the way we would want to be treated—the Golden Rule for living that Christ Jesus taught in his Sermon on the Mount. He said, “As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise” (Luke 6:31).
This means loving others, not in a proscriptive manner, or as they relate to us personally, but with a spiritual love that never fails to see only good. This spiritual love loves the infinite qualities of God it sees reflected in everyone, such as unselfishness, goodness, and intelligence. To truly love another is to make the effort to see them as God sees them. Speaking of divine Love, God, Mrs. Eddy states, “Love never loses sight of loveliness” (Science and Health, p. 248).
In the New Testament there are many accounts of Jesus’ encounters with individuals considered unlovable—unclean, sinners, mentally ill, or sick. Rather than ignore or condemn them, he looked on them with compassion, understanding their sinless, spiritual identity as God’s creation. This correct view healed the sick and sinning. Shifting my gaze from a vision of my fellow man and woman as flawed to one that included their innate joy and fundamental goodness brought healing to my life as well.
Eventually I remarried and have been happily married to my present wife for twenty years. Our relationship is characterized by affection, fidelity, humor, joy, and mutual support. It is very important to note that this was not just a do-over with a happy ending. I came to see that if I ever truly loved my first wife, that she was still worth loving and I could not hold any ill will for the choices she had made so many years earlier. This made it possible for me to love her in the way that was appropriate for us. I could respect her. I could help her when she asked for my help. She has certainly reciprocated and this has enabled much healing in my relationship with our children.
It says in First John, “God is love” (4:8). I now understand that love is not something we can decide to give or withhold, because it comes from God. We bring this unfailing love into our lives as we seek to express it, not for any selfish purpose but for the sole purpose of glorifying God.
What a joyous pursuit!
Name Withheld
