To those who are trying to make the demonstration over distasteful characteristics of temperament, I would like to tell how I was greatly helped along this line. Only those who have fallen under the law of a quick temper can appreciate or understand the overcoming struggle, and what it means to tone the impulse down, so that the thought of quietness and gentleness may constantly express not only love to God but to mankind.
One morning I was struck with the mortal sense of hate and bitter resentment towards some persons, and was led to speak unkindly. This error, once allowed to appear, forced its way into my thought farther and farther, until I found myself actually growing harsh and disagreeable, not only in thought but in manner, and added to this discomfort came the disturbed thought of overwork, which also threatened to upset me even to a greater degree.
That God's angels are with us all the way to give us daily supply was proven right here, by one with whom I have close dealings, and who became extremely quiet and gentle in his manner towards me. Things that usually irritate and annoy him did not seem to ruffle him one iota that morning, but with extreme kindness of manner he called my attention to errors which were speedily rectified. This action awakened me out of the mesmerism sufficiently to call forth the thought of gratitude for the oil of kindness poured upon the troubled waters of mortal mind, and with this little awakening commenced the struggle which lasted for twelve long hours before peace reigned supreme.
The first clear thought that came to me was one that was called to my attention a few days previous by a very dear Scientist; viz., "The greatest wrong is but the supposititious opposite of the highest right" (Science and Health, p. 368). I then began to realize that if this were so, the thought of harshness and anger which seemed to hold me in such a grip was but the supposititious opposite of the immortal thought of gentleness and meekness, and therefore no part of myself, and so I worked amidst the clouds of sense, realizing, This is not I, it is that false sense that is trying to get in and call itself me. and so confuse my mentality as to get the two, the gentle and harsh, the agreeable and disagreeable, so interwoven that I will not be able to distinguish the one from the other,— that they may appear so blended, one so much a part of the other, that I will be fooled and led to believe that I am of a duplicate nature, evil and good combined in temperament, when in reality I know that God is good, and He is all, and I know moreover that error is absolutely distasteful to me, and therefore foreign to my true nature.
Conscious of the supremacy of good, I worked courageously and earnestly, but very quietly, with a clear realization of this mighty truth; though all the time the enemy seemed to be close by, trying to mesmerize me by the belief that I was angry, and that anger was real. There was no time to sit down and pray, as mortal mind had caught me on a day when it seemed I was too busy to think, but withdrawing myself, as much as I could, from the material work, I strove to realize the power of gentleness and kindness, both in thought and manner, and that only kind and loving thoughts could find an expression through me, and I thus succeeded in keeping the error of harsh words from expressing themselves, and when the time came to retire, thanks be to God, Christ had "rolled away the stone from the door of human hope and faith, and elevated them to possible at-one-ment with the. . . divine Principle, Love" (Science and Health, p. 45). Harmony reigned in my thoughts, a sense of love had returned, and again I felt the touch of divine Love, and knew that hate was a lie.
The next morning when I awoke, I arose with a sense of peace and calmness such as I had not experienced for days, and I felt, Oh, how good God is after all! the ugly thing is not a part of ourselves; it does not belong to us; and then I realized as never before how essential it is to take our stand for Truth from the very first, to see the error, analyze it, and destroy it. This mental dissection enables us to get to work scientifically and destroy the false sense before it so blinds us as to make us believe it is a part of our very selves. A thief on the outside of the house is not so hard to fight as one within.
When we are led to believe that these errors are a part of ourselves, they are sometimes so hideous and ugly that we are tempted at times to throw down our arms in despair, for it seems that the task of defeating them is endless. When we see error as a thing entirely separate from our real being, and know that man is spiritual and perfect, then the struggle becomes easier, and we rest more in the realization of Truth. We work with more vim, we begin to see that we are wrestling with a recognized enemy, and we appreciate a little what Mrs. Eddy means when she says, "The warfare with one's self is grand" (Miscellaneous Writings, p. 118).
Some one has most beautifully said, "Whenever our will falls across God's will there is a cross in our life." I begin to see that if in our pilgrimage through earth we agree to agree with God's way of doing and yield gently to His way, there will lie no cross called self-will to bear, and the way will not be hard. I see this now very clearly after much discipline because of a strong self-will, from which I have had to suffer most keenly, until it seemed to me at times that my very heart would break. I begin to know that God's way is gentle, and if we allow ourselves to be guided and governed by Him, we will receive only good. All the evil that comes to us, comes by thinking we know best how to conduct our affairs, and by taking a step here and a step there guided or impelled by the human will instead of yielding it up absolutely and being governed entirely by divine Mind.
But, say some, How am I to yield, I don't know how? Neither did I for years after I came into Science, but I find now that God's work is finished and complete, a perfect work, and our duty lies in the realization that each day belongs to God, and to His work; that as we lend ourselves to Him to-day, each hour we will be guided by the divine Mind what to do, how to do, and when to do it, knowing that all things will work together for our good.
In surrendering thus to the guidance of God, I have been able to prove that He does govern here to such an extent that work which we must do, and which seems impossible, is done with comparative ease and little fatigue; I see clearly that we can bring out harmony in commercial, as well as in social lines for God helps us all along the way.
The most essential thing for us to do is to yield ourselves up to divine guidance, and we shall find that Truth leads us more satisfactorily than we can lead ourselves.
Teach us, O God, Thy way to live,
Grant us that Way to know,
That Truth to keep, that Life to win,
Whose joys eternal flow.
