I became interested in Christian Science about eleven years ago, and at that time I was sick and discouraged, without hope of ever regaining my health. I had tried everything suggested by physicians, had submitted to a surgical operation, and was no better. I felt I had done all that I could do, and so prayed for death. As I had been taught in childhood that after death I should meet God, I had a great longing to die, for I thought I might then gain some understanding of what Life really is. A friend, hearing of my suffering, sent me a copy of "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures" by Mary Baker Eddy. I read it through, thought it a very good book, then put it away. It did not occur to me that it was a book to be studied, and not merely casually read.
An only child, then a boy of seven, hearing me talk a great deal about my sufferings, also hearing friends suggest that I try Christian Science, would often remark: "Mother, I wish you would try Christian Science. It will, at least, not hurt you." These words coming from a child set me thinking; but time went on, and I did not seem ready to find out what Christian Science really was. Then this child was taken away, and in my great grief and bereavement I cried out, "I can go no farther; so God help me." I decided then and there to find God. and thought I would look into the teachings of Christian Science, as my own religion had utterly failed me. I sought a practitioner and told him all my troubles, and expressed the desire to be healed, but added that I did not want healing without understanding. He lovingly assured me that God is the Giver of all good, and that I would receive that for which I asked. He also told me that God is the God of love, and sends nothing but good to His children. I got my Bible and Science and Health and read for days, but did not seem to get light. I became discouraged, and again went to see the practitioner. I told him I had been reading Science and Health almost constantly since I had seen him, but could get nothing out of it, so had decided to give up reading it. He lovingly said that sometime, somehow, somewhere I would have to begin again.
I left the place where I was living and came to California. Here again I sought a practitioner, and then the battle with self began, as she uncovered many subtle errors buried deep in my consciousness. Self-righteousness, self-pity, faultfinding, criticism, impatience, worry, and discouragement were some of the evils holding me in bondage. Many a night I would keep repeating the ninety-first psalm over and over again, to keep error from entering thought. I began to realize what Mrs. Eddy meant when she wrote (Miscellaneous Writings, p. 118), "Be of good cheer; the warfare with one's self is grand; it gives one plenty of employment, and the divine Principle worketh with you,—and obedience crowns persistent effort with everlasting victory." As I began to be more interested in God, good, than in my pains and aches, the latter disappeared.
