Early in my study of Christian Science I found myself frequently ill and on an up-and-down course of alternate buoyancy and depression. This puzzled me because I knew that a Christian Scientist should be expressing joy and well-being more consistently. I felt reluctant to tell others of the healing benefits of Christian Science because of my own poor example. Yet I was trying to be an active member of a branch Church of Christ, Scientist—which, it seemed to me, constituted good, upright living.
What was wrong? As I prayed for an answer, it occurred to me one day that my enthusiasm for Christian Science was being focused primarily on outward involvement rather than inner dedication. Concerned more with busy church activity than with attaining spiritual integrity and progress, I had been seeing myself as a mortal who was striving to attain a personal sense of goodness, instead of dedicating myself to being what man truly is—a reflection of God, infinite good. It became clear that this good, rather than being reserved for church duties, must be expressed moment by moment in all my activities. I realized that while the outward activities of church membership are a necessary and invaluable aid to the advancement of Christian Science and individual spiritual growth, they should not be regarded as an end in themselves. The real measure of one's loyalty is to be found in prayerful dedication to the healing Christ, through the inner awareness and demonstration of divine Truth and Love.
This realization proved to be the turning point. As I began to place emphasis more on expressing God-derived qualities such as integrity, humility, compassionate love, my basic attitude as a Christian Scientist gradually became more impersonal. I soon began to feel more consistent joy and well-being, and found myself naturally sharing spiritual truths with others.
