Shortly after graduating from college, I became sexually involved with a young divorced man who was not interested in another marriage. Even though there were good elements to the relationship, the driving force was sensuality. Deep down I was uneasy with this relationship because it was inconsistent with the teachings of the Bible and Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy. But the relationship seemed very exciting, and I didn't want to give it up. Even after a year or so of having the excitement of the relationship coupled with being plagued with guilt, remorse, and fear of pregnancy and disease, I still felt incapable of wanting to end the relationship. About this time I began to experience a heart problem that forced me to discontinue jogging, an aerobics class, and any strenuous activity.
The physical problem caused me to be more systematic in studying the Bible and Science and Health and prompted me to turn to God for help. I knew I had to do something, and it was natural for me to turn to Christian Science in this time of need because prayer had healed every difficulty I had previously faced. Science and Health gives this as the definition of heart: "Mortal feelings, motives, affections, joys, and sorrows" (p. 587). I realized that I was experiencing a wide range of sharp mortal feelings —excitement, guilt, remorse, fear, sorrow—and that ending the sensual relationship was a necessary step toward gaining a better sense of stability, peace, and safety.
One day a crisis occurred, and during the entire incident I felt God's tender care. While I was at work one day, my nose began to bleed profusely. At first I went to a washroom, but then I went out to my car to be alone with God. I humbly prayed to God for forgiveness and for help. What appeared to be a large blood clot was expelled, and the nosebleed stopped. I remained in the car a while longer in quiet gratitude to God. I felt the implications of the command Christ Jesus gave: "Go, and sin no more" (John 8:11). This physical healing occurred about twenty years ago, and I have participated in regular exercise and activity since then with no symptoms of heart trouble. God saved me, and I am most grateful.
