I was afraid most of the time. Afraid to leave my house. Afraid of enclosed spaces. And, most of all, afraid of being in places that I couldn't get out of easily.
I knew I needed help. Besides making me miserable, all of this mental turmoil and anxiety had begun to affect my law school studies. I had a hard time concentrating. And spending time in lecture halls was almost unbearable. By relying on prayer, I'd recently had a wonderful healing of severe dizzy spells. So it was natural for me to turn again to prayer when this condition developed. I also asked a Christian Science practitioner to pray with me.
The practitioner shared several helpful ideas. One came in the form of a poem about the peace and contentment that come from realizing you're in God's presence. I knew that I needed to see this more clearly, to really understand that because God is everywhere—always—I could never be cut off from His love. I held to these ideas for several months. And the anxiety did ease up a little. But there were still times when fear engulfed me.
Then one day the practitioner invited me join her at a Wednesday evening testimony meeting at her church. I wasn't keen about this idea, and reminded her that my feelings of claustrophobia were always worst in large, crowded places like auditoriums. While I wanted to go to church, I didn't see how I would be able to sit through an entire service. However, over the next few weeks, she continued to invite me to these meetings. I felt the practitioner must have been encouraging me to go for a reason. So I made up my mind to move forward with an expectation of healing.
I could never be cut off from God's love.
The first part of the meeting was very difficult. I felt tense, the palms of my hands were moist, and my vision was impaired. I couldn't even see the hymn numbers on the wall of the auditorium. However, I knew that the practitioner had been praying for me and I believed that this prayer was going to be effective. So I decided to stay.
Then, during the second part of the meeting, just as the Reader was opening the meeting for the sharing of testimonies, the most wonderful thing happened. I suddenly felt enveloped in what I can only describe as a blanket of goodness and love. It felt closer to me than my own skin. I had an indescribable feeling of joy and happiness. All the tension and nervousness were instantly gone, replaced with a great sense of well-being. At the same time, my hands were suddenly dry. Also, I could see the hymn numbers perfectly. After the meeting ended, several of us went to eat at a nearby restaurant. As I walked along the bustling street in the West End of London, the feeling of well-being and peace continued. I knew that I had been healed.
While I did have similar attacks of anxiety once or twice after this experience, I was no longer intimidated by them. Instead of being overwhelmed by the fear, I held to the idea that I could never get outside the love and goodness of God. When I did that, the anxiety disappeared. It hasn't returned.
This healing has been one of the most profound experiences of my life. Through it, I found out for myself that God really does exist, that He is closer to me than the air I breathe, and that He's the source of a goodness, joy, and love that transcends anything I could ever describe.
Peaslake, Surrey, England
