When I Was Young, I decided I wanted to have three children and adopt five more. It didn't quite work out that way. Somehow a career took precedence. Then, at a time well past when most people consider starting a family, I felt a deep desire for a child. This went on for several years. My husband was open to the idea of having children. But for me, it was a yearning. I longed for the greater sense of fulfillment that I thought a child would bring.
I talked about these feelings with a friend who is a Christian Science practitioner. She assured me that motherhood is a quality of God, the divine FatherMother, and that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be a mom. But we also talked about the need to replace the feeling that I was missing something with a recognition of the fact that, as a spiritual idea, I am always whole and complete.
We prayed for many months, and I grew stronger in my conviction of God's love for me. I thought a lot about this passage from one of my favorite hymns: "My Shepherd is beside me,/And nothing can I lack." Christian Science Hymnal, No. 148. I tried to be more grateful on a daily basis. I practiced looking for, and cherishing, everything good. Some days it was little things, like a beautiful sky, the sound of singing birds, or the kindness of a friend. Other days, I was able to feel a larger sense of gratitude for the wholeness and perfection of God's creation.
